Whisper My Name
by Sandrine C
Summary: Don't be fooled by what you see. Susan can stay in Narnia but she has to prove that their love is worth it--while wearing someone else's face. Follow her journey as she fights to make Caspian realize that they still have a chance--before time runs out.
1. Prologue: Passing Through

_**Prologue: Passing through  
**_

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

"We are ready, everyone has assembled" Caspian said tearing his eyes away from Susan's pained gaze.

This silent exchange did not escape the attention of the great lion. His amber eyes took in the possibilities that slowly faded as the seconds ticked closer to the time the kings and queens of old will depart from Narnia.

Susan watched Caspian turn and walk away. It made her feel raw inside to know that by the time this day ended, they would be literally worlds apart. The voices of Peter and Aslan were drowned out as she retreated within herself, lost to recounting the moments she had with the young Telmarine.

"Is there something the matter dear Susan?" Aslan asked

She blinked rapidly when she realized that they had now stopped talking and both companions were waiting for her answer.

"Nothing. I was just remembering something," she said vaguely. There was no need to let them know what she was feeling. It's enough that she knows how irrational it is to even consider this to be something more than fleeting attraction, there's no need to be told to her face.

"Caring deeply for someone is not something to be ashamed of. Love is not something bound by the length of time you spend together but by how much of yourselves you share with each other." Aslan said to her as if reading her mind.

"I don't l--. I mean I care but I don't…besides he doesn't…I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way" she said trailing off unsure herself of what she felt inside.

Peter listened to them thoughtfully and watched Susan battling with her desire to fall to her knees and beg Aslan against maintaining her composure.

"Susan, be honest. Once we leave, that's it. You'll be left with only a few memories that will fade over time. I don't want to see you grow old and bitter because you didn't have the guts to come to terms with what you really feel," Peter said finally

"What does it matter Pete? Whether I love him or not will not change anything," she said resignedly

"On the contrary, dear one, it means everything." Aslan said, "I will not lie and tell you that it will be easy. The laws of the universe dictate that you return to your world where you belong but I promise to do everything in my power to give you time. The rest of it will depend upon you and Caspian."

Aslan turned to face the horizon and continued, "I have told you dear ones before of the deep magic. It governs over everything; both good and evil, and can give you what you desire most. If you strip away all the layers of magic, you are left with this alone—love. Susan, what I can only give you is an opportunity and nothing more."

The two siblings came to an unspoken agreement as they considered Aslan's offer, nodding to each other then to Aslan.

"Very well then. This cannot be shared to anyone except only to Lucy and Edmund, which I trust Peter will explain to them once they have crossed over. You will pass through the portal along with your brothers and sister. However, you will not be returned to England. When you get out at the other side, you will find yourself still in Narnia. However, on the outside you will no longer be Queen Susan the Gentle but someone else entirely."

Susan's eyes widened at this but let the great lion continue.

"I am sorry that you cannot stay as you are but it is part of the test. You will have until the time Lucy and Edmund return to this world before your fate is sealed. If by then Caspian has not yet recognized who you are, you must return with your siblings and fate will resume its course from there."

"How will he recognize me if I myself don't know the face I'll see in the mirror?" Susan whispered

"Have faith dear one. A love that resembles the fabric of the deep magic will shine through no matter what tapestry you use to cover it." Aslan said moving to her side and letting her take comfort from his presence.

"Thank you Aslan." Susan said

"Now come we must not keep them waiting" Aslan said leading them on to the assembly.

* * *

"I wish we had more time together." Caspian said

"_We do…just please remember me."_ Susan said in her mind, hoping that somehow Caspian would understand

"It would never have worked anyway," Susan spoke out keeping her end to keep appearances that she was indeed leaving.

"Why not?" he asked.

"_It can. I'm fighting for it and I need you to do the same. Don't listen to the words I'm saying now. Just believe in me, please," _she pleaded with him silently

"I am 1300 years older than you, " she said out loud instead, giving finality to her "departure".

In a way she was truly leaving, but only for a journey not so far from her heart. If she used to be driven by the need to defend Narnia, this time she was in a battle for her life's happiness.

When she felt like she could pretend no longer, she turned and ran to his arms and kissed him with such promise that neither could deny their hope that it wasn't the last they would share. Caspian held her tight and for a second it seemed he would not let go. She walked away a small smile on her face; triumphant at least that she had left him with a lasting memory.

Susan walked through the tree after Peter and half expected to return to the train station. But as promised she found herself in simple Narnia clothes, with an apron on her waist, in a grand bedroom fit for a king—King Caspian's room to be exact.

She caught her reflection in the mirror near the side of the room. She now had long, pin-straight, blond hair and a pale complexion. She was much taller and thinner than before and looked impossibly fragile. What remained unchanged were her cerulean eyes, the very same ones that met the suspicious brown eyes of the dark-haired king who stood at the door.

"Who are you?"


	2. Chapter 1: Look into my eyes

**_Chapter 1: Look into my eyes_  
**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

"Who are you?" Caspian repeated to the stranger in his room.

Susan was frozen in place as she groped in her mind for an answer that would save her from spilling the entire story here and now. And as she searched her brain, she realized that there was no hint of recognition in his eyes, only pure wonder at her presence.

"Helen. My name is Helen." Susan declared in a voice much softer than her own. She pulled out her mother's name from a slew of options without any particular reason. She was risking much, she could tell, by using one so easily connected to her but it was not a risk that paid off. Caspian still held nothing in his eyes but question.

"Helen, might I inquire as to why you are in my private chambers?"

She swallowed as she tried to think of a good excuse but she was saved by the interruption of a plump middle-age woman who was hurriedly curtsying to the king.

"Your majesty I apologize. She must be the new maid. I have not yet briefed her that this area is to be cleaned only after you leave in the morning. I'm truly sorry at the intrusion," the woman respectfully

"Do not worry about it Alberta. There was no harm done. I suggest that before you give her instructions you might want to welcome her with a tour of the castle. It can be quite confusing during the first few days and this should help ease that burden," Caspian said kindly, giving Susan a warm smile now that things have been cleared up.

Susan felt relief flood her as she walked over to the woman named Alberta. She was a maid in the king's palace. How in the world can she possibly make him realize who she truly is when their only interaction is that she cleans the bed he sleeps in?

'When Aslan said it wouldn't be easy, I figured it would take weeks. This can take months or even years!' she thought to herself as she curtseyed to Caspian before leaving the room.

"Come along child. There's much to do and less time for it if we dawdle," Alberta said walking at a brisk pace.

"If you don't mind my asking, where are we going?" Susan inquired of the lady as the walked even faster

"Well, first to your quarters where you can get settled in. I'll have to see if anyone has brought your things there. And then maybe a tour before I give you your daily tasks and responsibilities around here. Say what is your name child?" Alberta said turning to her for the first time since they left Caspian

"Oh. It's Helen," she said still unsure if using the name would not arouse any suspicion

"Alright, Helen here we are. Oh look your things are here. Well, I'll leave you to unpack and come back in a while. Don't look too unsettled dear, the king truly didn't mind. He knows it was an honest mistake that you wandered out there. The lad's just jumpy if you ask me, as if he's expecting someone to just pop in since the lot of them left." Alberta said babbling.

"Who left?" she asked opening her tiny luggage, which revealed a few simple pieces of clothing

"Well, I guess we can chat while you unpack, saves time." Alberta said sitting down on the small bed in the room watching Susan put out her things. "I'm talking about the kings and queens of old of course! Guess you live really far a way that you didn't get wind of any of that. Anyway, seems our king fancied one of them—the older girl. She gave him quite a kiss in front of Aslan and all of Narnia mind you. Suppose that's why he's hoping they'll come back but I heard from someone who was standing near enough the front said that Queen Susan said they're not coming back, save for the two young ones. Isn't that just the saddest thing? Ended even before it began." Alberta said wistfully, not even noticing that the young lady in front of her had been rendered motionless once more.

"How long has it been since then?" Susan whispered softly

"Oh about a month or so? Suppose the king will be okay in another month or two. He's getting busy enough with making sure Telmarines and Narnians don't fight. Oh silly me, we're all Narnians now aren't we? To be honest, they're a nice enough lot. Kind and truly interesting if you ask me. Just some still think they're stuff made only for fairy tales. But they won't make a big deal out of it though or the king will have it out for them." Alberta babbled on

"Now enough about that nonsense. Why don't you tell me about yourself my child? What kind of chores can you do?" the old lady said finally turning to face her.

"Uh, well I can cook, clean and sew. I'm used to taking care of people so I can handle most kinds of housework…" she said remembering her family and how she used to look after them. A wave of nostalgia hit her and she began missing her family. It never occurred to her just how big a sacrifice she was making just on the off chance that he could be the one for her.

Alberta tilted her head and questioned her again, "But they told me you lived alone? Who did you take care of? You have any family lass?"

"I used to. They're all dead now. I came here to escape the memories of the house," she lied turning away from woman lest she see through the patched up story. In a way it was true, she did escape but she was running towards memories instead of from it. She was chasing after the possibilities those memories created in her past.

Alberta placed a hand on her shoulder sympathetically, "Well I did not expect that. I'm sorry to have been insensitive like that. It isn't easy being alone in this world. I should know. My husband died a few years back as he succumbed to an unknown illness. We never had children so I guess in that respect I'm a bit like you—alone, no family, etc. Doesn't mean the world stops turning though. Just look at King Caspian, orphaned and now abandoned by good friends and he's still working hard as ever to serve his kingdom." Alberta said gushing a little more than necessary

Susan smiled a little and found that she was beginning to like the woman, who seemed to have a slight crush on the king. Finally finished with putting away her few belongings, well at least they seem to be hers, she stood up and smoothened her apron.

"Madam Alberta, where to now?" she asked smiling kindly at her new friend

"Oh don't fuss child, Alberta is fine. Now lets see, ah the throne room and the bedchambers would be a nice start. We can leave the kitchen for later since you'll see more than enough of that in the coming days," she said hurrying again to go outside to walk down the halls of the castle

Susan looked on in wonder at her surroundings. The first time she was here everything was dark and gloomy. She focused only on finishing what they started and getting out alive. Their return from battle was even less memorable as she was floating from euphoria to desperation once Aslan told them they had to return to their world.

"Ah here we are, the throne room. Well you see there's the throne naturally but the latest additions here are the paintings. Seems his majesty wanted a reminder here that this is no longer a Telmarine castle but a Narnian one, so he had them put up images of the kings and queens of old and Aslan as well. Was done pretty quickly and if you ask me they could have done with more of this and that, except for the one of Queen Susan. That one is downright perfect. The king himself painted that one out of memory and boy, does he have an eye for detail." Alberta said staring up the painting.

It was a bit disconcerting to be staring at a life size portrait of yourself knowing that you never sat for it. Susan was in awe at the accuracy that even down to the embroidery on the gown she wore in the painting was precise—it was the exact same one she donned the day she passed through the portal.

"Bluest eyes I've ever seen. Well now that I think about it child, you have the same eyes! No wonder the king was in a stupor earlier. Ah well too bad you have blond hair or you would pass for our Queen Susan. Well maybe not, it's a bit much to hope for but it can't hurt to have him look at a girl, any kind to be certain." Alberta said already halfway out of the room.

"Why?" Susan asked truly curious of the statement Alberta let fall

"Ay, the king has no relatives and so no heir! If he doesn't have one, who knows what nasty ambitions some might get and try and fight for the throne. It isn't that they're evil child, but it's what they know. They grew up watching the Telmarine lords battle it out for even a drop of power. Besides, he should start getting over her if he intends to keep up with what he has to do the rest of his life. He can't keep pining away inside, it will eat him up." Alberta said as she turned another corner to a hallway with a vast set of rooms.

"Now this here is where most the royal chambers used to be. King Caspian moved to another room to the opposite end of this wing if you remember. Many bad memories here I suppose," she said as she opened one of the rooms.

Susan gasped in recognition as she entered the room. Even in daylight there was no mistaking. It was the room of Caspian's uncle. She touched the chair where Caspian fell when he was hit by the crossbow bolt, tiny drops of blood still stained the upholstery. Even now she still wished she had taken that shot at his aunt, if only to have saved him from one wound.

Alberta noticed her fingering the fabric and moved to stand next to her, speaking softly for the first time, "That's the blood of King Caspian. His own aunt shot him to keep him from hurting Miraz when he found out that his father was murdered. It must have been such a trauma that he never entered this room again. Well, let's go then, more rooms to see."

They went out and looked at a few more rooms that were almost immediately forgotten by Susan. All that she could remember was Caspian's face that night. If the young prince had been reserved and submissive before, it was all washed away with the knowledge of the true depth of his uncle's evils. It was as if all trust and hope that somewhere in Miraz was the uncle whom he admired once in his youth. Susan had felt like wrapping him in her arms and letting him cry out all his hurts for as long as he wanted. But the only thing she could offer was an arrow trained at his aunt, ready to save his life at a moment's notice.

Without realizing it, they were back in the kitchens where most were already busy with preparations for that evening's supper.

"Well, here we are Helen," Alberta said to Susan, who jumped slightly in surprise at the name. She would have to get used to hearing that now.

"What will I need to do?" she asked surveying if there was any task left for her to do as everyone bustled about ignoring them.

"Hmmm well seems like everyone's got a handle on things. I gather you can be the one to buy supplies for the meantime. Cleaning I guess would be your main priority. I'll draw up a schedule for you tomorrow. For tonight, you'll just assist in preparing the tables and clearing them after supper. I'll just introduce you to everyone," Alberta said clearing her throat, "Everyone this is Helen, she'll be part of the staff. I expect you'll welcome her and help her get used to things."

The entire room eyed her curiously, wondering why such a girl would be a servant when she moved and looked the part of royalty. They couldn't quite put a finger on it but just the way she stood and held her head it didn't seem like she was any ordinary girl. Only Alberta seemed to be ignorant of this and started pointing out people and giving out their names.

Susan bowed her head slightly to each person, smiling the entire time. She assessed the situation and it seemed that her new companions were nice, if only a little wary of the new addition to their group.

"Here why don't you help me carry out the plates to the dining hall?" a small girl called Emelia asked tentatively.

Susan took some of the plates offered to her and followed Emelia out, to the satisfaction of Alberta. As if a spell was broken, the kitchen went back to its busy state once the two girls left the room. The only trace they were there was faint buzz of talk about the new girl.

Emelia led Susan a few rooms down from the kitchens to a lavishly decorated room with a long table situated in the middle. Susan had only finished with one place setting before she noticed Emelia hesitate before finally deciding to ask what was on her mind.

"Not to be rude or anything, but why are you working as a maid? I mean if I were beautiful like you, I'd want to keep it that way and manual labor really isn't the way to that…" Emelia said trailing off for fear that she said something offensive

"Thank you for the compliment Emelia," Susan began, "but I'm afraid I don't have the luxury to be anything more than what I am. I have to accept what I have been dealt by fate and just make the most out of it. It is honest work that we do. There is no need to protect vanity when you can be doing something useful. Though our work can be considered simple by some, there is honor in it if we only do our best."

Emelia stared at Susan. This was no ordinary lady. If her looks didn't make her stand out, definitely her speech just confirmed that she did not live the way they all did. She wasn't of simple mind, that's for sure. And it seemed like there was more to the words that came out of her mouth. It puzzled her more that even without her instruction, this Helen seemed to know exactly how to lay out the plates and silverware. Could it be that in her corner of the kingdom they taught such etiquette?

They worked quietly for the next few minutes and once they were finished Emelia spoke up again. "They were right."

Susan looked at the younger girl curiously and asked, "About what?"

"You are no Telmarine. You are a daughter of eve but it seems you are Narnian. You are untouched by the corruption that beleaguered Telmar for so long." Emelia said in her quiet way as she admired Susan openly. There was something about this Helen that made you want to be as pure and good as her the longer you stayed with her.

"We are all Narnians now as it should have always been. Come let us return to the kitchens, they must be waiting for us." Susan said simply, leaving the room quickly to avoid any more questions she couldn't answer. If only Caspian could unravel the truth as quickly as the rest of them tugged at the threads of the complicated story she now lived in.

In her haste, she almost ran down a serious looking dwarf and an exuberant mouse.

"Oh I'm sorry sir." Susan said to the dwarf who was now sitting on the floor and the mouse who had now unsheathed his sword.

"Young lady! Do you wish ill on a knight of Narnia that you stepped on his foot and are only making it appear an accident? I wish no harm on any female but foul intentions may tempt me another way!" Reepicheep said

Susan almost laughed at the sight but what stopped her was the expression on the dwarf on the floor, whose mouth was hanging open. She turned her attention to him and apologized once more handing out her hand to help him out.

Trumpkin stared at the girl looking down at him. She was obviously a new addition to the palace staff but there was something about her that he found familiar. Oh, he was sure he had never seen her before but part of him contradicted this. His eyes locked with the stranger's and he found that it was this feature of hers that was making him feel this way.

Without breaking eye contact, Trumpkin took her hand to stand and spoke to the eager mouse, "Stay your blade chief mouse. There is no need to remind anyone how courageous you are, we all got the memo."

Susan watched Trumpkin and could see the wheels turning in his head. This dwarf was sharper than most, but that he trusted her so quickly wasn't something that was lost on her. No matter how much she wanted to confirm the suspicions plainly written on his face, she stayed silent and merely curtseyed to them as a sign of respect.

"What's going on here?" a voice called out. Susan turned around slowly as she recognized the voice even before she saw the man who owned it.

Caspian stood a few steps away, peering at them with the corners of his lips turned up at the sight of his two best advisors seemingly surprised by something.

It may have been the look of longing in her eyes when she saw him or the disappointment that passed over her features when he passed by her with barely a nod to acknowledge her small bow to him that gave Susan away to the observant dwarf.

Trumpkin's eyes moved quickly from the young king to Susan and almost dropped to his knees upon realizing that this palace maid was no less than a queen of the golden age.

"Oh, dear sir I must have hit you harder than I thought. Here let me help you stand up," Susan said quickly bending down to whisper into Trumpkin's ear, "Please do not say it my dear little friend. I will explain soon but not now. For my sake, please play along."

"Right, well I'm fine now, miss. You can go ahead and, uh, cook? Or maybe clean. No harm, no foul, off you go lass." Trumpkin said unsure of what to do as Susan straightened up.

Susan curtseyed again and gave Trumpkin a quick look of gratitude before walking quickly back to the kitchens.

"Wow she's really a bit odd isn't she?" Caspian said looking at Susan's retreating form.

"You've met her?" Trumpkin asked

"Yeah. What was that all about Trumpkin? I could have sworn she whispered something to you." Caspian replied peering at him.

"That's what I'd like to know myself," Trumpkin muttered to himself as he started to continue walking.

"Didn't hear that sorry, " Caspian said catching up to him and Reepicheep

"Nothing, she said nothing. Now about those plans you mentioned yesterday," Trumpkin said closing the topic.

Hidden behind one of the pillars, Susan breathed a sigh of relief. She considered for a moment what Aslan had said and remembered that though she could not openly tell anyone about her situation, it didn't mean that others couldn't figure it out by themselves. Susan thanked Aslan quietly for this small gift as she walked back to the kitchens. If there was someone she could trust it would be her DLF and already she began to see that she would need an ally in this if she were to succeed. There was only one cloud that dampened this realization, one that almost made her want to crumple on the ground and lose all hope.

_Why did the dwarf, who had never been trusting to begin with, be the one to see through the mask she wore and not the king who wished before Aslan for more time with her?_


	3. Chapter 2: Forces of Nature

_**Chapter 2: Forces of nature**_

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

Caspian hid a yawn behind his hand as he pretended to listen to the heated debate about planting half a field with corn or wheat. On a normal day, the king was patient and attentive to every cause brought up in the council but today he was tired having spent most of the previous night planning with Trumpkin and Professor Cornelius about plans to rebuild Cair Paravel.

He had kept the tradition of having a council with one condition—that they fill the empty positions with old Narnians. Grudgingly, the remaining Telmarine lords accepted into the fold Glenstorm, Reepicheep, Professor Cornelius, and Trumpkin. The king had hoped that by balancing the power somewhat in the council it would help bring about unity, instead they seem to have found a more formal arena for their screaming match.

"Wheat has much more uses than corn!" cried a Telmarine lord named Rufian

"Yes, but it won't grow there! Besides we have enough lands filled with wheat!" cried Reepicheep

"There can never be enough wheat! It's a staple commodity!"

"And corn is a luxury?!" Trumpkin said standing up

"Enough!" Caspian said, his voice rising above the heated argument. He had enough nonsense already and it was time to put an end to this meeting.

"I have heard enough and I believe we should take stock of what we already have. If we have plenty of fields dedicated to planting wheat and this would suffice for the needs of the country then we give this land to the corn farmers. My dear friends, let us not forget that we are here to decide on the resources that our kingdom needs," Caspian said before turning to the Telmarine lords who were silently fuming at the decision," and NOT the land where these things are found. Let no being make use of this council to increase their wealth or acres of land to the detriment of the citizens."

Silence blanketed the room as the council regarded the young king who seemed far older than he looked. The man who stood before him held no traces of the boy who once ran from this castle in the cover of night. There was no fear in his eyes but only the determination to serve his people and for that they respected him. At least on this matter.

"Now, if there are no other issues you wish to speak of I have my own proposal to all of you—to rebuild Cair Paravel." Caspian declared.

They all looked at him, some surprised that he would even suggest such a huge undertaking; others appeared as if they expected this would come up sooner or later and only one who seemed to have known all along—Trumpkin, of course.

"With all due respect sire, do we have enough funds for that? You must remember that the war was not long ago. Most of what we have now is for aiding those who have lost much in those days and for replenishing our weapons," said another lord called Glormiel pragmatically

"I have discussed this with the royal treasurer and it seems our coffers can handle it. With the combined efforts of all _Narnians_," Caspian emphasized pointedly looking at the grumbling men in the room to remind them they were part of that group now, "we can accomplish this in a year's time."

"Your majesty," Lord Rufian interrupted," Say we agree and we rebuild this Cair Paravel, what will we do with _this_ castle, which is not broken and has been the stronghold of our nation for generations. Surely you wouldn't want to abandon your own home for something new and shiny my liege?"

"We will not abandon this castle. Instead we will turn it into something more useful, perhaps a school or a place for the sick to rest. It could be a home for those left without during the war. It is not to be rendered useless my dear Lord." Caspian replied, knowing how easy it would be to shoot down those reasons

"Well, then why don't we just build a several buildings for all those things you mentioned your majesty. Why build another castle?" questioned Lord Rufian once more

"Because the halls of this castle have been tainted by death, evil and corruption. Rule that emanates from here is followed by a shadow of the same creation. Peace does not flow naturally from this place." Glenstorm interrupted sagely

"And who told you that? The stars?" Lord Rufian said standing up, eyes ablaze with anger

"Silence!" Caspian commanded.

Neither man nor centaur spoke but they held their furious gazes trained at each other. Caspian sighed and sat back down. He had hoped too much that it would be an easy thing to do. It seems he needs a little bit more time than one council assembly can offer to convince them.

"We leave this for another day. We will not accomplish anything if we continue with raging tempers. You may leave now." Caspian said signaling them to leave the room to prevent them from battling it out like spoiled children.

Heads held high, the members of the council filed out leaving the king alone to his thoughts. He watched the colors dance through the stained glass windows of the chamber and wondered what it would take to convince them all that it was the right thing to do. The sound of the door creaking open and the entrance of the blond palace maid interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh, your majesty. I'm sorry; I did not realize you were here. I shall return to clean later," Susan said curtseying to the king, bowing her head low to avoid his eyes so she wouldn't have to endure seeing his empty expression.

"No, ignore me. Please, go ahead and do what you should. There is no need to delay things at my expense." Caspian said kindly.

Susan nodded and proceeded to sweep the area farthest from him, ever so aware that his eyes followed her every movement.

Caspian wanted to return to strategizing about getting approval from the council about Cair Paravel but he couldn't take his attention away from the statuesque woman moving about in the corner. Part of him wondered at what point she would hit the wall in an attempt to put much distance between him and her broom. However, most of him simply marveled at why every time she was in the same space, he seemed to forget to miss Susan. Like, the first time and the one after that, this feeling only lasted a moment before guilt washed over him as if he was betraying Susan's trust.

"Ow," came Susan's little cry as her head hit the wall in front of her when she lost sense of how close she was to the wall with her bowed too low.

He couldn't help but chuckle quietly as he watched her rub her forehead discreetly. Caspian stood from his throne and moved to walk over to her but stopped short as Lord Rufian came in and joined him in the middle of the room.

"Ah, Lord Rufian. Have you forgotten something?" Caspian asked knowing fully well the man had come back to privately question him once more

"Your majesty, now that there is only us I do hope you would tell me honestly why I'm supposed to blindly offer my support to an undertaking so expensive and pointless—is it to serve Narnia or your own personal desire to create an homage to the queen who abandoned us?" Lord Rufian demanded

Caspian could not speak. This man had the audacity to speak ill of someone who was not there to defend herself and question his motives in one breath. He felt his temper rise within him but he never had the chance to let it out.

"Rebuilding Cair Paravel is a symbol of the Narnia you are rebuilding. In working together you bring camaraderie that will bridge the differences of the two races. There is no need to question the king's motives when your own reasons for stopping him from doing the right thing are less than honorable. That castle may have four thrones but it is not an homage to them that you restore it but for the country that it represents," rang Susan's voice clearly from her corner. She stood up at full height and stared down Lord Rufian, who had taken a step back in surprise

"So this is what your _Narnia _is," Rufian spat out bitterly," a land overruled by talking beasts and women? And you wish Telmar be a part of this? Has the lion truly addled your mind sire that you have sunk so low?"

Without knowing she was moving, Susan found herself being restrained by Caspian as she lunged at Rufian. Her temper got the better of her at hearing the insult thrown at Aslan and Caspian.

"How dare you speak to your king in that insolent manner! You should have left with them! If you had stayed only to sow discord then by Aslan's name, I will find a portal myself and shove you through it!"

"Leave us Helen," Caspian said in a low voice, "This is not your place."

Susan's head snapped back in surprise at his tone and she backed away from his grasp so quickly it was as if she had been burned.

"My apologies your majesty. I was out of turn." Susan said respectfully with hurt plain in her eyes.

Caspian's insides tore at the sight of the young woman so obviously hurt by him. It was never his intention to hurt her. Truth be told, it was the last thing on his mind but he couldn't help it from unfolding the way it did so he was left to watch her leave. Without turning to face the errant lord, he said, "Everyone in my kingdom is to be respected. No matter how little you value her stature and opinion, she spoke words truer than you ever had in your lifetime. I will forgive you this time but trust I will not be kind if I see you belittle any Narnian again."

* * *

Susan stalked off trying hard to burn off the anger she still felt inside her. She couldn't decide if she was more furious with Rufian or Caspian. The lord at least, she reasoned, behaved as what could be expected of someone who never knew a life based on honesty and trust. But for Caspian to stand by and let that lord speak ill of each of them in turn was too much. Though what really hit a nerve was to be told it was not her place. She may not be Queen Susan in these halls but even as a servant she thought she would be respected a little bit more for defending her king.

"Wait!" a breathless voice called out to her.

She walked faster pretending to not have heard the king running after her. Much as she wanted to ignore him, she couldn't dismiss the hand on her shoulder moving her gently to turn around. She bowed a second longer than necessary to hide the effect of his touch on her. Even in her fury she could not deny her desire to reach out and bury her head on his shoulder in search of comfort.

"Your majesty." Susan said to him.

"Why did you do that?" Caspian inquired

"I merely pointed out the obvious sire. The Lord Rufian should understand the merits of your plan, your purpose in rebuilding Cair Paravel and uniting Narnia along with it." Susan said avoiding the true question

"No, why did you rush toward him like that?" he persisted

"Again, I apologize. It was wrong to lose my temper," she said

"Why?" he asked a third time stepping closer to her

"He had no right to speak of Aslan or you that way." Susan said, the truth spilling out faster than she intended

"I do not need anyone to defend me or speak for me. You have earned yourself an enemy my lady, an unnecessary one at that." Caspian said

"He does not regard me important enough to warrant what you are saying your majesty. He will not remember me but rather the king who could give no reason to his decision to rebuild Cair Paravel." Susan said sharply challenging the king

"He has a point, one I should listen to," he said equally agitated

"They will always have their reasons to say no. In any decision you make, there will always be someone who disagrees but it is your call at the end of the day to do what is good for _your_ people!" Susan said her voice rising

"They are there to make sure I do what is for the greater good. I need them. I need to listen to them."

"They can help, there is no question on that. But there will be times when you have to do things on your own. Believe what Aslan said, your majesty. You may think you cannot stand on your own but you are ready. The council is not king of _Narnia_. _You_ are."

They stared at each other as the seconds ticked by, neither daring to break the silence until Alberta's shrill singing from the room she was cleaning a few meters away broke the spell.

"Again, I'm sorry your majesty for putting you on the spot like that." Susan said with a bow, "But I'm afraid I cannot apologize for wanting to see my king do right by Narnia. Good day."

Caspian was left standing alone, in a daze as to what had just happened. This Helen creature got under his skin and it left him unsettled. The range of emotions that she stirred in him in those few minutes was like only one other instance in his life, so impossibly at the other end of the spectrum yet so alike Queen Susan's kiss.

* * *

Susan proceeded to the garden to pick the herbs instead of the cook Geraldo. She claimed that it would leave him more time to prepare for the meal later on when in truth she merely wanted a chance to tug at the plants outside.

"That was quite a show _Helen_" Trumpkin said from behind.

She blew out a long breath before responding, "Which part did you hear?"

"Just the second act by the hall. But judging from what I heard, I think the first scene was a classic. Too bad I missed it. Care to share?" Trumpkin said kneeling down helping her gather what she needed.

"That man insulted Aslan and _he_ told me it wasn't my place." Susan huffed

"Are you hurt because of that or because he didn't realize he told Queen Susan the Gentle to stay out of it?" Trumpkin said bluntly

Susan couldn't answer. She had convinced her self that her actions were a result of her need to correct the nasty comments that left a stench in the air. But she couldn't deny that it stung more that until now he still was no wiser of her identity than the first time she lied and called herself Helen.

Trumpkin eyed her and softly whispered, "I think now is the 'soon' you were talking about. Enlighten me."

Sensing that she did not know what to say still, he sighed and began again, "Okay, you can just say stop when I've got it wrong. You have been magically returned here from wherever it is you live to have another go at kissing the strapping young king. Now to make things a little more complicated you've been slapped on a different face and you're supposed to make him realize that 'hey it's me over here.'"

"I didn't return. I never left. When I passed through, I ended up here looking like this, a month after everything." Susan replied

"Okay. Now, I know you have no qualms about speaking to the king even as a servant, given the little tirade back there. What's stopping you from just saying it?" Trumpkin said raising his bushy eyebrows at her.

"I can't. He's supposed to realize that on his own," she repeated weakly not even daring to imagine what would happen if she tried. She couldn't risk that, not when so much was at stake.

"What's going to stop me from telling him?" Trumpkin demanded

A low growl sounded off around them, promptly making Trumpkin's eyes widen in surprise.

"Guess we know the answer to that question at least," he said looking around him warily, hoping the lion was just trying to scare him and not actually going to pounce on him for suggesting telling Caspian.

"Aslan never explained why the test but do you honestly think there isn't a damn good reason? That if it were in his power to simply let me stay here as myself he wouldn't have done so already? We're not proving our love to Aslan but I think we're trying to call out the deep magic to show that this is real and not something you read of, but one stories are actually _made_ of." Susan said closing her eyes for a moment as she reminded herself that this was truly worth it.

"You really love him that much. You gave up your stature, your family and your identity just for a chance?" he asked incredulous at the idea

"I can't live knowing I didn't even try," she replied

"You've tried. He's being as dense as the giants in the north. How can you torture yourself this way and not just give up? I'm sure Aslan would be able to take you home now."

"It's our only shot, if not for this we'd be off in different worlds never to meet again. This is home Trumpkin. There's no changing that whether he gets it or not." she whispered

"Oh it just keeps getting better and better." Trumpkin sighed.

"You haven't heard the best part yet." Susan said wryly, "I have a deadline—only until Lucy and Edmund return then it's over"

"When do they come back?"

"I don't know." Susan said picking up her basket, taking a deep breath before standing up.

"Then my queen I have only one request of you." Trumpkin said solemnly, "Accept my offer to help. This is too much of a burden for one being alone. Aslan wouldn't have allowed me to know if I could not take even but a small part in this. I am on your side as always, your majesty."

The dwarf bowed low to Queen Susan, one that she returned in gratitude before turning to resume her duties as palace maid.

In that same moment, inside his royal bedchambers, the young king sat on his bed holding the queen's horn contemplating if there was magic left to bring her back. But as his reason took over he placed it in a drawer in his nightstand and contented himself with the fragrance that filled his room, so similar to the fragrant air that always hung about the queen he had lost a month ago, not realizing the lingering scent was left by the blue-eyed maiden who caringly prepared his room in hopes that in a small way she can ease the burden of a tired and troubled king.


	4. Chapter 3: Without a Sound

_**Chapter 3: Without a sound**_

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

They did not speak again for almost a month. In that time Caspian and Susan passed the time in the roles everyone expected them to play. He was the king whom everyone recognized and she was the maid who stayed in the shadows.

In the first week after their argument, they perfected their timing to never occupy the same space at one time. Like clockwork, she arrived to clean his room precisely five seconds after he left. Caspian always returned only at the end of the day, when the rest of the world was asleep, when he was certain no one would make the mistake of entering his room. Every night he would lay in bed with his eyes open, breathing in the scent that lingered—the only evidence that she was there.

Exactly a week after, Susan walked into the kitchen to make an inventory of supplies they had to pass the time before she went to the king's chambers only to find Alberta busy preparing a tray of food, which was promptly placed on her hands to deliver to the man she worked so hard to avoid.

"Ay, his majesty isn't feeling so well today and Master Trumpkin said that it might be good let him have his breakfast alone in his quarters instead of starting up politics with the rest of them in the dining hall. Mighty good suggestion if you ask me. Now run along dear, make sure you serve him properly now." Alberta said ushering her along

"Serve him? You mean I can't just leave this there?" Susan asked in alarm

"Why are you still afraid of the king? Don't be shy child; he's one of the nicest lads out there! Besides, I'm not asking you to spoon feed his majesty. Just make sure that if he needs something you can go get it for him." Alberta said matter-of-factly

Susan balanced the tray carefully on her arms, walking slowly as she cursed under her breath sensing the dwarf's obvious attempt at bringing them closer together. She knocked quietly and waited for permission to enter the room. Caspian did one better and opened the door, much to her surprise.

Avoiding his gaze, she went ahead and laid out the food on the small table on one side of the room. When she was done, Caspian immediately sat down and ate silently as Susan stood aside unsure of what to do. Deciding to avoid Alberta's disapproval, she looked around the room to find something to do other than standing around. She had to move to keep her emotions in check.

She went to the curtains and pulled them open and let the sunlight fill the room. Noting that he didn't make a move to stop her from going about, she continued on to fixing up his bed. She arranged the books on his bedside, fixed the slightly askew painting that hung on the wall and did just about anything she could to keep from watching him.

Caspian didn't look up from his food either. He concentrated so hard on the bread and the jam in front of him that he could already tell how once piece of toast differed from the rest. He knew whoever had requested this meant well but he still felt slightly uneasy whenever this Helen was around. He never asked about her outright, but he heard snippets of conversations from the others about her and from what he gathered she wasn't just any common Telmarine girl.

Caspian found out that she was an orphan who lived in the outskirts of his kingdom. She was alone and came to the castle to replace one of the girls who had decided to go to the world of the kings and queens of old. She was clearly a daughter of eve and yet there was something about her that stood out from all the other Telmarine ladies he knew.

All of that he could ignore and chalk up her outburst from before as a result of lack of social interaction for such a long time. What his mind could not reconcile was how much she knew of a world she had been excluded from for so long. True, anyone can understand and argue the justification in rebuilding Cair Paravel or fight in the name of Aslan who had such charisma that evoked such loyalty in people. However, he could not wrap his head around the fact that she seemed to know exactly what Aslan had said to him the day the battle ended, that he was ready to be king regardless of what he felt.

Though, as he stared at his nearly empty plate, what truly prevented him from being at least civil was his shame in restraining her and not Rufian who had been utterly disrespectful. He could still feel her disappointment in him as she moved about just as he heard it in her impassioned speech not so long ago. When at last he had gobbled up the last bit of his breakfast, he stood up and left with a small nod in her direction.

Susan sighed in relief as she gathered up the remnants of his meal on her tray and thought how they had come to this. The tension in the room was so thick she felt like she would suffocate from it. Never did she imagine that she would be a stranger to the man who seemed to know just when to stand beside her or when to run in after her to save her life.

The king did not get better as quickly as either had hoped and still ate his breakfast quietly while his unspeaking companion went about the room cleaning as she used to without him. Everyday was the same, a dance so well rehearsed with no one missing a beat and without anyone knowing any better of the connection forming between them as the show went on. In their silence, they grew to understand each other without the words to distract them and healed from the bitter words they exchanged.

As the circles under Caspian's eyes grew darker, the healthier the food that she brought along with some herbs said to help his health. As she got quicker with tidying around, he left around books that he thought would interest her as he prolonged his meal. As the days wore on, he began to give her a nod and a smile before leaving and on the day she found out about Caspian standing up to the council and declaring with authority that he will restore Cair Paravel, she returned this gesture with a smile of her own.

* * *

Caspian sighed in frustration and fatigue. Every day he would consult with the builders and artisans, then at night with Trumpkin and Professor Cornelius, yet somehow they still lacked the most vital part of the plan—the throne room and the royal chambers. In spite of these being the most famous parts of the castle that now lay in ruins, no accurate account was ever made of it. Details gave way to superlatives and now they could not find a way to bring to life the heart of the old castle.

Only the three of them, the king with Trumpkin and the professor, are again left at the dinner table filled with empty plates as they discussed the last piece of the architectural plans.

"Does it matter how high the dais will be as long as there is one? We're nitpicking!" Trumpkin said picking away at the last of the sweet cake in front of him

"As far as I've read, the height of the platform was so precise that you could view the most perfect sunset from across it as it looked right out the mouth of the great sea. It would be a shame not to preserve that detail." Professor Cornelius said.

It had been getting quite late and Alberta had taken it upon herself to ask permission to clear the mess even if the king was still there. It would not do to have leftovers rot at the royal hall. Followed by three others, including a most reluctant Susan, the filed inside behind their leader.

"I'm sorry your majesty," Alberta began, "But may we clear this off?"

"Oh of course, please do not mind us here. My apologies for preventing you from retiring early tonight." Caspian said waving his hand to invite them to come closer.

"An inch or two would not matter professor. I think what we need to worry more about are the royal chambers. Those have not been documented at all as far as we know and we cannot start building if we don't have at least an idea where to put those!" Trumpkin said stealing a glance if Susan was paying attention

Indeed she was listening to the conversation. It made her curious how close they were at duplicating her old home. She knew where exactly they were stuck as she saw the plans laid out in the king's room every morning. However, she made it a point to pretend as if collecting plates was a most consuming endeavor and did not appear concerned of their debate.

"Why hasn't it been documented?" Caspian inquired

"I suppose because the kings and queens barely used them except for rest. They were very much out there with the people and were rarely ever out of sight of the kingdom. The most prominent feature of the castle was the throne room because that's where they always were seen," the professor said cleaning his glasses, failing to notice the half smile on the face of the blond lady across him.

In a way he was right. Susan let her mind drift back to the golden age and they truly were always in the middle of things and never hidden away. But those rooms meant more to her than any other part of the castle and it pained her to think that they would not be faithful to the original design. Once upon a time she grew up in those halls—trading secrets with her sister, playing chess with Edmund or just talking to Peter. Behind those doors they were simply the Pevensie siblings and it was a world unto their own.

"So what we just build four separate rooms and leave it at that? Is that what we really want to do so we have more free time to measure the height of the dais?" Trumpkin said losing his patience, glancing more frequently at Susan. He was baiting her because as he saw the calm expression slowly change he understood how important this was to the queen. It was her home and her last connection to the rest of her family. Seeing that castle back in its former glory would be her link to the time when she ruled alongside Peter, Edmund and Lucy.

"Well, Master Dwarf, as you said we don't even know where the rooms were located. We can assume they were close to the treasure rooms as those were quite personal to their majesties." Professor Cornelius said.

"Then so be it, we just make four rooms. It isn't as if their owners will come back for them." Caspian said frustrated that they weren't getting anywhere

"The rooms were at the circular hallway just off to the side of the Great Hall." Susan said quietly realizing she was the only one of the servants left behind still wiping an already immaculate spot. In spite of her control, she could not resist watching mutely as they created a structure so alike the original but not to its full glory. She felt as if each detail they got right was a step for Caspian closer to the truth.

All three eyes turned to her as she took a deep breath and continued, "The rooms of the kings and queens were all connected as their lives often were. High King Peter the Magnificent had windows that faced the clear northern sky, King Edmund the Just looked over to the western wood, Queen Lucy the Valiant rose every morning to the eastern sea, and Queen Susan the Gentle watched the radiant southern sun set each day. Though they faced different directions, each room was linked and completed the circle much like the kings and queens themselves."

"Surely that sounds rather idyllic my dear lady but how do we know it's true? That is not a simple thing and at the moment it does not fit in to the plans." Professor Cornelius said eyeing the lady suspiciously. It wasn't that he thought she had evil intentions but he did wonder, if she were right, how she came upon such a wealth of knowledge. A scholar, like any other, would have to validate his source after all.

Trumpkin had already opened his mouth to defend Susan but Caspian beat him to it.

"The markings we saw of those curious doors all set in succession could have been in a circle once. Think about it professor, maybe we assumed too quickly that it was a secret passage leading to somewhere when in fact it just went round and round the rooms the way she described it. And if you face outward, they point to all directions as perfectly as Helen mentioned." Caspian said finally getting excited

Susan was startled that he acknowledged her so casually for the first time. Even if was a name still unnatural to her ears, it pleased her that there was no contempt or shame in his voice but rather it came out as natural as if he called out a friend.

"How do you know all these?" Caspian asked pure curiosity lighting up his eyes as he looked directly at Susan

Taken aback, she almost said that she lived there once but caught herself in time. "My younger brother was an artisan when he was alive. He studied the ruins once before and spoke to an old badger who took to heart old stories of Cair Paravel. He had sketches all over the house that I would marvel over. The details were impeccable." Susan said remembering how Edmund at the height of missing Narnia drew over and over the halls of their castle.

"So accurate, you felt as if you _lived there before_?" Trumpkin said sarcastically, a tone that went unnoticed by the two other men

"Yes." Susan responded shortly shooting a warning look at Trumpkin who merely shrugged his shoulders at her

"My lady, would you have time to draw them for me?" Caspian requested as if he weren't a king who had power to command her to do such

"Sire, I'm afraid that talent is not one I have. I can however offer to describe what I remember but nothing more." Susan said bowing to Caspian

"King Caspian can draw, paint, sculpt and do many more artistic things." Trumpkin suggested casually knowing fully well this would push them together on more than a few occasions. Cair Paravel was a large castle and it would take no less than a week to get all those details out of the former resident.

"Of course, of course. I can illustrate for you. I'd have to excuse you from Alberta's service but I'm sure she wouldn't mind. A few hours here and there won't matter if in the end we get this done right?" Caspian said looking at her expectantly like a child asking for sweets

Susan nodded mutely and left the room before he could change his mind. It was her chance and she wasn't going to let anything get in the way—even Caspian himself could not rob her of the time she now had with him.

"My dear king, you trust her?" the professor asked softly inquiring more than just about the planning for the castle.

"Without a shadow of a doubt." Caspian said rising from his seat "Even if my mind tells me otherwise, I have to follow what my heart tells me or this castle won't see new light."

"It won't bring her back dear boy, no matter how perfect it comes out," the professor said softly referring to Cair Paravel

"I know but I can't help but hope that someday she'll be sitting on that throne again. I want to make sure that if she gets back even for just a second, I'd have done at least one thing to make her smile when she sees what I've done." Caspian said before leaving them to retire for the day.

In his dreams that night, he saw himself in the middle of the Great Hall of Cair Paravel walking towards Susan whose face was obscured by the light shining from behind her. He became excited, as he got closer. Each step made his heart beat faster. When he finally reached her the name that left his lips was not the one he was searching for—"Helen."

The moment his head left the pillow he had forgotten everything he had dreamt of, even the name he called his queen.

* * *

Susan knocked on the door as she had so many times the past weeks, only this time she was more anxious than usual knowing that they would begin talking about their project.

Caspian opened the door and motioned for her to go inside. He took the tray from her hands and set it on the table where many sheets of blank parchment lay beside his drawing instruments.

"I thought we could eat as you talk me through things." Caspian said pulling out a chair for her.

Susan was shocked that the once pale and drawn out man has become so animated overnight. She hesitated as she realized that they still were not equals in her current state and remained standing.

"Please my lady, take a seat. Do not think of me as a king but as a friend who is in much need of your help." Caspian said

Reluctantly she sat down but still could not be forced to eat, no matter how much Caspian pushed all the food to her side of the table.

"Where would you like to start?" she asked

"How about the bedrooms?" Caspian said getting his paper ready

And so they spent the first day talking about Peter's room, from the designs on the ceilings to the carvings on the bedposts. The second, they moved to Edmund's room followed by Lucy's on the third. By the fourth day, unexpectedly Caspian asked about the Great Hall. It took them a week to finish the drawings for that one, spending much time on the thrones of the kings and queens of old.

Each day they spent together, they managed to talk more freely and even things that did not concern the project at hand.

"What's it like to have siblings?" Caspian asked as drew the details on the drawing of the thrones

"It's a burden and a gift. It's hard because you did not choose these people unlike friends. They can be irritating and they can easily get on your nerves because they know how to push you. But then again, that's only because they know you so well. You can't help but love them and for that reason you can forgive them for anything, even being supremely annoying." Susan said smiling at the memory of her siblings

"Is it hard that they're not around anymore?" Caspian asked

Susan sighed before answering as she realized how complicated her lies and the truth were now blending in together. In her own way, she stayed true by being honest about having a family but changed it to make it appear that they were now all dead.

"Yes. It's like gasping for air as you drown and there's nothing to breathe in but water. It's hard on the lungs but you keep trying because it's the only way you can stay alive." Susan said turning away from him.

Caspian put down his work and reached out to put his hand on top of hers. "I know what you mean. It still feels like that every minute she's away."

"_It feels that way every time you talk as if I'm not really here because it reminds me that no matter how close we are, you're still a world away from me." _Susan thought to herself. It was the first time he acknowledged his feelings for the queen and the subtlety of it tore at her even more than if he screamed it aloud.

"Now how about we finish the last one today? Do you have many things to do for Alberta?" Caspian asked breaking the tension

"No, we can continue. So it's Queen Susan's room correct?" she said realizing that she had to be the one to say it.

"The room was awash with all shades of blue imaginable. The walls had the same dark paneling like the others that framed the balcony facing the mountains. It is on that horizon the sun set everyday casting the room in a haze of pink and blue." Susan began. She went on to describe the rest of the room neither of them watching each other.

Susan was afraid to look at him for fear that she might see something that would make her forget that she had a secret to keep. Caspian dared not take his eyes away from what was fast becoming a masterpiece. This was the last key to his puzzle and he wanted it perfect.

After the last detail, she took a deep breath and began a new topic entirely—one so sensitive but required closure.

"I think it is time his majesty answered a question as well." Susan said eyeing him carefully

"It is the least I can do in exchange for your help," he replied

"Why is this so important to _you?_ I am not asking you as a king, but the man who has spent hours with me making sure that nothing is missed," she said looking straight into his eyes

"I'm forgetting her face. It has only been a couple of months and there are already days her image is fading from my mind. I need to hold on to her and when I see these pictures of where she used to live and breathe, it just gets easier to believe that she's not really gone. I can imagine her walking down these halls, " he said pointing to one of the pictures then another "Or I can pretend she's in this room reading a book or just talking to Lucy. It's having a piece of her life even when she is living it somewhere else."

"Who are you talking about your majesty?" Susan asked with a hollow voice. She needed to hear it to make sure she wasn't just imagining the hope that was growing steadily in her.

"Susan." Caspian whispered.

The two of them stayed in companionable silence for what seemed like hours on end. They had become friends without knowing it, shifting from emotions of anger to trust in a long and painful process of discovery. They had learned to listen that even in the stillness they understood each other.

Caspian stood up, took her hand and kissed it gently. "Thank you Helen for everything," he murmured before leaving her alone.

And just like that reality came crashing down on Susan. He still did not see past the skin that burned at the contact with his lips. He still called her by the wrong name and this made the tears finally fall from her eyes.


	5. Chapter 4: Before the Music Fades

**A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! I really love reading them. Anyway, part of this chapter includes the song "So Close" sung by Jon McLaughlin. It might be nice to play it while you read that last section. :) Hope you enjoy this!**

_**Chapter 4: Before the Music Fades  
**_

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

It had been two months since Susan had seen Caspian. The king had been away with all the builders and artisans at the ruins of Cair Paravel. All his efforts since the completion of the designs had been to finish the restoration as soon as possible.

The separation wasn't easy for either of them. Caspian had gotten used to his companion and craved the time they talked to each other. Surrounded by people who always agreed with him, he longed for that musical voice of reason that was never afraid to challenge him and push him to think. His Helen was one of the few people he felt truly comfortable around to be himself. No pretenses and no worries. And now he felt lighter knowing she was on her way.

Trumpkin noticed the young king smiling to himself and wondered how he could be cheerful with the excessive heat and exhaustion from carrying heavy slabs of marble. He shook his head and decided to satisfy his curiosity simply by asking Caspian why.

"Your majesty is in a good mood, maybe you can share the happy news?" Trumpkin grunted behind him

"Oh, Helen and some other palace staff are coming. They will be staying in a tent over there to oversee the makeshift kitchens. It's easier for the men to build if they don't have to worry about those things anymore, so I sent for them." Caspian said casually

The dwarf was sharp and did not miss how his king had singled out 'Helen' without even noticing it. He had seen their friendship grow in the time they spent together making plans for the castle. He had heard them those late nights that they talked in the library when the young queen asked about the years she missed in Narnia. Of course, Caspian, not knowing who it really was before him, merely assumed that this peasant girl thirsted for an education that she was never given and was endlessly patient in teaching her. What surprised him was that in all he saw and heard of them, they barely ever talked about Susan herself.

"Ah, it would be good to see my dear not-so-little friend again," Trumpkin let slip on purpose a version of the name the Pevensies normally called him

"What did you say?" Caspian said turning to Trumpkin sharply

"He said it's good to see old friends again," Susan said walking towards them, shaking his head at Trumpkin for being so brazen with his comments

Caspian surprised all those around them as he threw his arms around Susan and embraced her tight in welcome. All around them, people pretended that it was the most normal thing they have seen but they couldn't stop from looking at each other with raised eyebrows. Surely one so different from the gentle queen could not charm the king, or was he about to prove them all wrong?

"You're here!" he said, "Come, I have much to show you. We're not halfway yet but we have made good progress."

No one was more surprised than Susan and it shone plainly on her puzzled face. Trumpkin coughed and pushed her towards Caspian, using his eyes to tell her to follow the king. Susan let her feet follow Caspian and looked around at everything he pointed to.

They were on the right track with the plans and she was in awe of everything. In each direction she turned her eyes, she could already imagine how it would look and feel once finished. In all her time since she stepped back in Narnia, it was only now that she felt truly home and at peace.

When she stopped walking, the young king turned around and took her hand like an excited schoolboy showing his favorite things to a friend. It shot through her heart as she realized what she was to him now—a friend and nothing more. But beggars don't have the luxury of a choice; she would take what she could get and allowed him to drag her further.

"And this is my pride and joy Helen. Look, we're right on time." Caspian said pointing to the horizon.

The sun was setting slowly, casting red-orange streaks in the clear blue sky. It has been 1300 years since she last saw this phenomenon and it moved her. He was doing everything he could to please the woman he loved even if he believed she was never coming back. His devotion to her is unparalleled by any other suitor that had sought her hand.

"You think she would love it?" Caspian asked her, the name of the person he was referring to need not be spoken for in all their conversations, 'her' always meant 'Susan'

"Of course." Susan answered softly as she wished that he could just dig a little deeper and see past her appearance

"So how have you been?" he said sitting down on the ground, patting down the spot next to him as an invitation for her to sit as well

"I've been well. I see you aren't though," she said bluntly as she examined his slim face

"I'm strong enough to work and that's all that counts." Caspian said

"Don't push yourself too hard your majesty." Susan countered

Caspian shifted to face her, "Why is it that when you're disappointed in me or if you don't approve of what I'm doing, you say 'your majesty'?"

"I did not realize that. I guess on some level I just want to remind you that you're not an ordinary man. Your responsibility is not only to yourself but to the rest of Narnia," she said

"Sometimes I wish for a simpler life, then I stop myself. I think that I would have the power to do much good in the world, if I weren't in this position. I realized that it was because of who I am that I was fortunate enough to have been part of making history. I wouldn't have met her if it weren't for the fact that I am who I am."

"Why is it that you never say her name?" Susan said, turning to face the king as well

"I'm afraid that if I keep saying her name it will lose its meaning. Haven't you ever tried saying or writing the same word over and over again? After a while it seems that it doesn't make sense anymore. They are just letters thrown together without any feeling behind it. Every memory, anything I have connected to her has to be preserved. I need to last until the end of my days with only these to keep me, I can't afford to waste anything I have." Caspian explained

Face to face like this, with the sun setting in the backdrop, it wasn't very hard for her to fall in love with him all over again. His pure heart revealed itself to her and now she understood fully why he deserved to be king of Narnia.

Before the light truly faded out of the heavens, big droplets of rain fell on the pair. The downpour steadily grew stronger as they walked back hand-in-hand back to camp. Their initial delight at the relief the water brought their tired and weary limbs gave way to horror when they heard the screams and commotion from a few meters away from them.

Disaster had struck when the strong unexpected rain loosened the soil where they had begun to build the Great Hall that day. The calm and levelheaded Caspian from earlier had become a frantic and wild-eyed man who scrambled to put back the pieces slowly crumbling down. Workers tried to stop the king from stepping on the softened ground where rocks where still being washed away. It was dangerous and more importantly it could wait. No one could get through to him. All of them were drenched and cold so Trumpkin ordered all of them to return to the shelters. If the king wanted to act like a maniac, he can do so but the rest of his men shouldn't suffer for it.

"Caspian stop it!" Susan shouted over the pouring rain, calling him by his first name forgetting that she was still a lowly servant. She was cold and drenched from head to foot, splattered with mud all over. She trudged on and tried to grab his arms to pull him back.

"It's not worth it! We can fix this tomorrow. Come on! You'll get sick!" She called out

Like a mad man he pulled at the heavy stones and tried inanely to put them all back where they were earlier. The soil was just too loose and would not hold. Everything seemed to be slipping slowly away.

He knew that she was screaming at him but he refused to listen, his tears already mingling with the rain. He was desperate. He couldn't fail and he felt like everything that was out of place meant that Susan was also slipping from him. A hand finally grabbed his arm and turned him around.

They looked at each other's eyes and in spite of his state of mind; he felt a new pain wash over his entire being when he saw the tears flowing down her face. She shook her head slowly at him as her sobs shook her. She couldn't watch him fall apart not for anything, not even for her. He deserved better than this. He was trapped by a memory that consumed him slowly.

Caspian tried to break free but she held tight, "Why can't you see what's right in front of you?" she cried out

The young king stood still and watched her crumple to the ground, "Because I'm trying my hardest to look for any sign of her and my eyes can't reach far enough. It's just never enough." Caspian sobbed before slowly passing out from exhaustion

"Come on," Trumpkin said appearing at her side, "Let's get you dried up and changed. You're both going to get sick from this."

"No I'm fine. Here put his arm around my shoulder. I'll help you bring him back." Susan said wiping her tears away unsuccessfully as the rain continued to fall on them

They trudged back and deposited Caspian in a warm tent. Susan changed and went back to check on the young king. He was burning up with a high fever. His forehead was beaded with cold sweat and he was shivering. The rest were busy tending to others and some were just too afraid to go near him.

Trumpkin walked in with a basin of warm water and a washcloth. "Here, you'll need this. Don't pretend you don't want to take care of him. Please, just for tonight, stop pretending. Your king needs you," the dwarf said in a serious voice then walked out

She sat on his bedside and wiped his forehead with the warm cloth. She repeated this regularly and pulled the covers up to his chin. He was moaning and whimpering in his uncomfortable slumber and her heart went out to him. His will may be strong but his body just had about enough.

When he finally stilled, she placed the basin on the floor beside him and walked to the tent flap to leave him.

"Susan."

She whirled around to see Caspian still sound asleep, his even breathing interrupted only by one last statement, "Come back to me."

"I already have," she said walking back to him. "Just open your eyes Caspian. I'm right here." And with a kiss on his forehead, she finally left the king to dream.

* * *

Susan remained on site until Cair Paravel was finished. They didn't talk about that day and everything else with it—including Queen Susan. It was as if it was just a bad dream that was forgotten.

She worked tirelessly to make things more comfortable for all the workers and Caspian made sure they were on schedule but with enough time for rest. When it rained, they stopped no questions asked. Often he put down what he was doing to watch her tend to men who had little injuries. He looked on as her gentle hands cleaned and covered minor wounds wishing that she could do the same with his heart.

Days passed and they talked as they used to when they were back in the Telmarine castle and their friendship healed once more. Time and again, she felt a little fear that he had moved on and had forgotten _her—_Queen Susan.

On the day the foreman declared the castle complete, they stood together on the balcony that looked over the southern sun.

"It's beautiful, you've done her proud." Susan said hoping he would catch the little reminder

He smiled and said, "It will be better once we've put in all the furnishings."

She closed her eyes briefly in disappointment. He ignored her comment completely, maybe he had forgotten after all and moved on.

"I'm tired, I'll watch the sunset with you tomorrow." Susan said walking away.

"Is that a promise?" Caspian called after her.

"Of course," she said curtseying to him

Caspian turned around again to face the world outside. He had done it after so many months of hard work. He was finished but he still wasn't complete.

Trumpkin had come in quietly after Susan left and stood next to the king. The dwarf had questions but seeing the pain etched on the king's face he decided to hold it in.

"If I could, I'd watch every sunset with her for the rest of my life." Caspian murmured

Trumpkin looked up in surprise. He knew that this wasn't a tradition between the king and the queen of old but between Caspian and his Helen. He couldn't believe it—the king was falling for Helen. He shook his head in marvel at the situation. In any way, shape or form, Caspian would still find ways to love her even without knowing what he was doing.

"Then what's stopping you?" Trumpkin asked

"The hope that in the end nothing can keep me and Susan away from each other. I always have this dream that one day I'd come home to this castle and just find her waiting for me. Then I just walk slowly towards her trying to memorize every last bit of her with every step."

"And where is Helen in all of that?"

"That's the thing, when I finally get close enough I find her instead. I see her blond hair flowing around her and its her eyes that I look into." Caspian said in wonder a small smile dancing on his lips

"Don't you think someone's trying to tell you something?" Trumpkin said trying very hard to control his excitement. Caspian was so close to the truth he could almost taste it.

But just like being on a leash, he was pulled back when it stretched too much.

"Maybe, but I don't want to listen. She's my friend and it will stay that way. I haven't stopped loving Susan and unless I do, there's no other future I can want." Caspian said with finality.

They both watched the sun finally go down and it wasn't until the stars lit up the sky did Caspian turn to leave.

"We have a long day tomorrow, come friend we must rest, "

"Go ahead, I'll stay a few more minutes." Trumpkin said. He watched the young king leave before turning once again to face the view from the balcony. His eyes followed the young maiden walking down under the moonlit path in the gardens. Even from the distance he could see his queen taking one deep breath after another.

Trumpkin shook his head as he found himself in the middle of a love story that got more complicated as time went on. He just hoped that things would untangle on its own before the end or their hearts would never recover.

He watched as a shooting star lit up the sky and whispered to the queen though she could not hear, "There's your star, your majesty. Make a wish that he finds out before he destroys himself from having to choose between a legend and a girl who isn't real, when all he wants is already right here."

* * *

In celebration of having restored the glory of Cair Paravel, the king declared that a ball be held for all the Narnians. Everyone was in a flurry of excitement as they prepared for it. Most of them, being commoners or having lived in hiding for so long, had never experienced being part of such an extravaganza.

In the middle of it all was Susan, who was asking herself the age-old question—"What will I wear?" It made her laugh that even with all her worries, this was the one that floated to the surface.

"Child, do not fret!" Alberta exclaimed upon finding out her charge's predicament, "We'll find you something. I'm sure if we can't borrow we can make one!"

"We can't make a dress in a day Alberta." Susan said rationally

"Oh hush. Do not be negative!" Alberta admonished as they entered her room

A large plain white box was sitting on her tiny bed with a folded note on top. "Like the colors that line the sky at sunset," Susan read out loud

She pulled off the top cover and found a gown of deep pink silk with pale gold trim lying neatly inside. Always, he found ways to save her.

Choked up with emotion, she wasn't able to stop Alberta from seeing the dress and gushing profusely in amazement. Discreetly Susan slid the note under her pillow and allowed the woman to place the dress in front of her as she faced the mirror.

"My, my it's perfect. Every man will be looking at you tonight." Alberta exclaimed

Susan just smiled and toyed with the details on the bodice. She counted to five waiting for Alberta to ask what she wanted.

"Who is it from?" the older woman inquired turning the box upside-down looking for clues

"Someone who is very generous and does not wish to be known." Susan said with a smile.

Alberta was not satisfied with this answer but she made do with Susan allowing her to help her get ready. For the rest of the afternoon, they primped and dressed, laughing gaily with each other.

When finally they were ready, they stepped just a little outside the doors to the Great Hall. Susan was anxious and let Alberta go on ahead. She wasn't sure if she could handle seeing the empty thrones of her siblings after all. Even with the modification of adding a fifth throne for King Caspian; it was still very much the same as they left it 1300 years ago and it made her miss them even more.

Trumpkin gave her no choice but to enter when he showed up by her side and offered her his arm. Together they marched inside just as nature seemed to recognize the moment that Queen Susan returned to her ancient home. The last ray of light from the setting sun illuminated her entrance as if it were a spotlight. She barely noticed Trumpkin let go and take a step back for her entire being could only focus on one thing—Caspian.

The king was standing across the room when he saw the doors opened and Susan walked in. With the soft light framing her, she looked like an angel sent to save him. He didn't want the moment to end but he could hear the impatient grumbling beginning to get louder as people waited for him to address them.

He raised his hands to silence them before he spoke, "Good evening Narnia. As we gather in this hall, we should not only remember the love and wisdom of the great and true king Aslan, or the goodness and leadership of the Kings and Queens of Old. We should also remember work that all creatures here today have put in to restoring this symbol of Narnia. It is by your faith and dedication that we stand here today a united people. It is you that we honor today." Caspian said raising his goblet to the people as they cheered and clapped.

"Let the celebration begin!" he announced to the crowd.

Music and laughter soon filled the air as the king weaved in and out of the ball. He stopped to talk and mingle with everyone with his mind flying away trying to find the only one he wanted to dance with.

Before he could take another step, he felt a small nudge. Trumpkin had poked him and was now pointing to a lady sitting down alone by the wall. Caspian walked to her and without a word held out his hand.

Susan placed her hand on his and stood up. It was time for Cair Paravel to see its king and queen dance.

"You're in my arms and all the world is calm, the music playing on for only two"

Caspian took her in his arms and they began to dance. Her eyes locked with his as they twirled around the dance floor, every step in time and every movement alike. Slowly the world melted away from around them as they saw only each other. It was a silence they were used to and were no longer afraid of. Without words and only music guiding them they moved through the crowd.

"And when I'm with you, so close to feeling alive"

Caspian felt he could breathe properly again. In all of his life, there was always something missing and he was always running. Whether it was moving towards something or away from someone, he was always trying to catch his breath. It was worst when Susan left, he felt as if he was running so fast and so hard but he never got anywhere like he was rooted to that spot. But when she took his hand, he felt himself stand still and felt like finally he can rest.

"A life goes by, romantic dreams will stop. So I bid mine goodbye and never knew. "

Susan had almost lost all hope until this moment. She had almost given up and asked Aslan to take her away. For one second, she wanted him to move on from the pain of believer her to be a world away. But when she saw his hand outstretched, asking her silently to dance with him, she knew she was foolish to think she could ever live without him. Her life was bound to his and she never found the strength to say goodbye.

"So close to reaching that famous happy end, almost believing this one is not pretend"

Had she stayed with him a minute longer on that balcony, he probably would have thrown all caution to the wind and confessed his feelings. As he spun her around, he visualized a future with her. He imagined that she would be the one he would come home to. He imagined her gentle touch caressing their baby's forehead getting him to fall asleep. He saw it all but when he saw her blue eyes he remembered the queen his heart still sang for.

"Oh how could I face the faceless days, if I should lose you now…"

Susan felt the change in him. She could see his inner struggle in his eyes for it mirrored her own. It was like freefalling into something they had no idea of. They had no choice but to leap and now that they were falling, they just couldn't do anything but be in that moment with each other. Falling for him a second time, in a whole new light, she felt fear overwhelm her. He had to see the truth because after everything how could she let go if they didn't succeed? How could she live in another world knowing her destiny was living a life she couldn't touch?

"_Let's go on dreaming for we know we are…so close…so close and still so far."_

Caspian and Susan danced in placed even after the music had ended. They held on for they both understood that once they let go the spell would be broken. Every dream that had passed would fade away to be replaced by the realities they each lived. The king would continue to pine for his lost queen and the maid would still live to fight for her love. In their silence they shared the pain searching for different things and different faces but never realizing they wanted the same thing.

When he gathered up the courage, he let go of her and she did the same. He bowed to her as Susan dipped low in a curtsey. In the eyes of everyone watching, a dance had ended but for the two people facing each other the true heartache was only beginning.


	6. Chapter 5: Ask me again

**A/N: Thank you once again for all the reviews! I truly enjoy hearing from you. Here's the latest chapter, hope you like it!**

**_Chapter 5: Ask me again_**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

Caspian had already stopped counting the hours since Susan had gone. Instead he counted the time since he danced with Helen—three months, five days and four hours. In all those days, they remained friends and talked as if there was no undercurrent that threatened to throw everything they knew out of balance. Though all of Narnia was at peace, it was his own heart that was conflicted.

'How can you not fall for someone who pushes you to be the man you never even dreamed you could be?' Caspian thought to himself as he watched the young maiden from his room's balcony.

Susan had temporarily given up most of her chores as maid as she took the professor's place in educating some of the young Narnians in the history of their people. The old man had fallen sick a few weeks back and the children themselves had chosen their substitute teacher when they started following her around the gardens as she picked flowers for the palace. She had only meant to answer a question and nothing more but what started out so innocently ended up to be a new profession for her.

Caspian smiled as he saw a young boy of about five years old climb on Susan's lap as she taught them. He still remembered that this was the same child who had asked the fateful first question about the origins of the kings and queens of old. His Helen had answered with such an elaborate story that had the children enthralled and left them asking for more. So each day after that, the children followed her around the garden picking flowers along with her as she told them about the past until it became an official order from the king that she take the professor's place until he got well.

"She has become quite popular with the children I see." Professor Cornelius said by way of greeting as he stood beside the king

"Helen treats them as she does anyone—with respect and understanding. I do not think she has ever told them the phrase 'you'll understand when you're older,' and I think they appreciate that. Even the youngest of them can see just how proud she is of her history and how much she enjoys talking to them. I'm sure you understand this or you would have told your students that you have been well for over a week now." Caspian murmured

The professor smiled and did not say anything. He merely continued to watch the scene below as the child in Susan's arms fell asleep and buried his head in her arms. Professor Cornelius turned his attention to the man beside him whose face was bright with emotion he tried so hard to suppress.

"My king, I think she does not treat everyone that way," he began, holding up a hand to stop Caspian's protest, "I think there is one person in particular that she treats differently, one that she holds high on a pedestal she cannot seem to get hold of. I only wonder why he doesn't reach out when his hand is not tied to anything."

"You should really teach me someday how it is to become cryptic with my speech. It would make me sound more intelligent that I really am." Caspian joked in an attempt to avoid answering

"My king is smart enough without the elaborate speeches; there is no need for them. But to say it plainly, why do you not reach out to her?" Professor Cornelius countered

"It's safer to wait for the impossible, that Susan will return, than to make a move and create something that can just as easily slip away. All my life, people I loved were taken away from me. I keep thinking that the day I make a move will be the day the universe finds a way for her to leave." Caspian reasoned

"I will not lie and say that is not a possibility because for one reason or another people will go away or die for that matter. Only in Aslan's country is forever truly possible in every sense of the word. But it doesn't mean the world is conspiring to keep you alone in this life. My king, you have survived the loss of what could have been the greatest love story this country has ever seen, do you not think you can weather losing Helen should this storm pass?" the professor asked

"I will continue to live if I lost her, I know that. I can breathe, eat and sleep without her by my side as I have done years before I even knew she existed." Caspian said

"Then what's stopping you? Queen Susan will not return, as you have said. Is it the memory of her that you are adamantly loyal to?" the professor pressed

"You don't understand. If Helen were gone from my sight, I will live but not be truly _alive_. It will be an _existence_ not a life. Professor, it is not that I cannot live without her. It is that I choose not to." Caspian explained his voice becoming hoarse as he struggled with his emotions

"You love her," the professor said, a statement not a question

Caspian did not reply and instead focused once more on the group below. The child had now woken up and gave Susan a hug before climbing down her lap. This made her laugh and brightened every inch of her lovely face.

The king smiled with her but a hint of sadness and longing touched his eyes for he wanted to be as free with her as the children are. He wanted to be able to reach and pull her in his arms just as naturally and innocently as a child. Watching the pain line his young face, the professor felt for the man whom he regarded as a son.

"My dear Caspian, if you cannot live without her and if you love her, then why are you torturing yourself by not telling her and doing something about it?"

"It is the only way I can reconcile my love for the lost queen. I cannot simply forget for it is a reality I live with. I love Queen Susan and I probably always will. Because of this it is enough for me to walk beside Helen even if I can't hold her hand the way I truly want to. It has to be enough." Caspian said

"Your choices are yours to make and live by my king. But I leave you with one question, do you think it is enough for _her_?" the professor said before leaving him alone.

Caspian did not even try coming up with an answer even just in his mind for he knew that if the answer were 'no' then his resolve would crumble and Helen would be in his arms in a heartbeat.

* * *

"Miss Helen, why did Queen Lucy see Aslan first and none of the others did? Did the other kings and queen have bad eyesight like my grandfather? He wears spectacles like the professor, you see. Maybe they should have gotten some," said a seven-year old boy called Dranien

"Silly boy," piped up Lily, a six-year old, "The kings and queens were not old!"

"They were 1300 years old! That's ancient! Older than old, old and old!" exclaimed Dranien

Susan laughed at her young charges and marveled at their enthusiasm to learn. She interrupted them before someone ended up in tears or in a tangle of arms and legs.

"That's a very good question Dranien. Lily is right though that it wasn't that they needed glasses. You see, save for Queen Lucy, they didn't have the same faith in Aslan when they returned to Narnia. Truth be told, Queen Susan didn't even think they would ever come back at all. Unlike her brothers and sister, Queen Lucy trusted that Aslan would always come to their aid and he did." Susan explained as another hand shot up in the air.

"What is faith?" said the five-year old Olivant who sat on her love earlier.

"Ah, my lady you think you can let me be the one to explain it to them?" Caspian said appearing by her side.

"Of course," Susan said moving over and patting down the space on the rock she sat on, motioning for him to take a seat.

"Let's see. How about before I tell you what faith is, you answer something for me?" Caspian addressed the children, who all nodded vigorously in reply

"Do you think I would hurt Helen?" Caspian asked, eliciting a skeptical look from Susan

"Of course not!" the children chorused.

"Silly king, we know you are a good man. Miss Helen has told us all about you and how you saved Queen Susan from those men." Lily said rolling her eyes at the king wondering why they were being asked something so obvious already

"Ah," Caspian said casting a sidelong glance at Susan who merely looked ahead," Then my dear students I thank you, for it seems you have faith in me. You believe that I will not harm this lady, more than that you believe _in_ me. Faith is precisely that feeling inside when you trust someone or something without being told to be that way. You have no doubt that person will act as you expect him to. It comes from within you even when at times you cannot explain it."

"Oh! Oh!" Olivant said raising his hand. Caspian nodded to him and Olivant immediately piped up, "It's like love! Well, at least it's a feeling that you also aren't sure why it's there sometimes or why. You just feel it. It's about caring for someone. Is that right Miss Helen?"

"Yes that's right Olivant. It's something you feel for your family, for your friends and—"Susan said

"Oh like Queen Susan and King Cas—"Olivant said jumping up only to have Susan clamp her hand around the boy's mouth as she looked apologetically at the king.

"Yes, like that of Queen Susan and myself, Olivant." Caspian said as Susan blew out a sigh of relief and held Olivant on her lap.

A young girl called Serena raised her hand and directed another question to Caspian, "But she's not here anymore? Does that mean you don't love her anymore? You don't see her."

"Like faith, love doesn't go away just because you can't see it. Yes I love her still." Caspian said simply avoiding Susan's gaze.

Susan felt a lump form in her throat as the images blurred with the tears she tried to keep from falling the way the truth fell from his lips. No matter how many times he said he loved her, even when he didn't know she was just right there, it never got old or lost its magic over time. It still sounded like the music they danced to that night—beautiful and bittersweet.

"How many can you love at one time?" Serene asked again

"Why, many people—there's your mother, your father…" Susan said before nodding again to Serena whose hand was outstretched again

"No, I mean someone who isn't family or isn't just a friend but the kind between the king and the queen. Can you love like that more than once in your life?" said the young girl asking a question far wiser than her years

Susan opened her mouth to speak but Caspian had already answered the child's question, the very same one that had been laying dormant in her mind.

"I think if you are lucky enough to find a special person more than once in your life then it might be possible. It isn't something you can control and I don't think you should even try to hold it back. It's a beautiful miracle to love and be loved." Caspian said

"But what about the other one you loved before? Won't she be sad that you stopped loving her since you love someone else? Will you marry the new girl? I thought love is a happy thing" Serena asked her face crumpled in confusion

"_Theoretically," _Caspian emphasized as he noted that the question had turned to him personally than merely a philosophical exercise, "Just because you love someone new doesn't mean you stop caring for the other. Love is not bound by normal rules and neither is it limited to happiness alone. I'm afraid love comes with sadness as well." Caspian responded

"Then why do we love if we can be sad from it?" cried Lily

"Because it is part of life, my dear Lily," Susan answered. "As long as you live and breathe, you will know love and bear it. You will be happy; you will feel pain but in the end the good will outweigh the bad. Do not be afraid of it children. Love is the most powerful and beautiful thing in world. It can change you."

A breeze passed through the group, the only sound they heard for a while as the children struggled to understand their very abstract lesson for the day. But before long, most were already thinking of the tales they will request from the teacher tomorrow.

"But wait sir majesty sir, you didn't say who you would marry." Serena reminded not really knowing how to address the king

"I think we're done for the day. How about tomorrow we talk about the first visit to Narnia of the kings and queens of old?" Susan interrupted before Caspian could speak

A cheer rose up and they forgot all about the inquisition at Susan's promise of telling them about their favorites. The children all gathered around Susan to hug her goodbye before heading home.

Hesitantly, Olivant slipped away from the retreating group and ran back then tugged at Caspian's tunic. When the young king lowered to his level, the boy reached around his neck and gave him a hug as well then ran away to follow his friends.

Susan gave a small laugh, "They like you, even if you complicate their lessons."

"Ah, I believe they asked the questions. I only answered them. There's nothing complicated about that." Caspian said shrugging.

They stood a foot apart, not really knowing what to say until Caspian cleared his throat and spoke.

"Walk with me."

Silently Susan agreed and fell into step beside the king. "How is the professor? Is he well?"

"He is as good as can be expected" Caspian said out loud

"…_of a person who is only pretending to still be ill,"_ he added silently in his mind.

"You seem to like being around the children very much." Caspian said watching her intently

"They are easy to be around. They are forgiving and with them there is no need to pretend you are anything other than who you are. Plus, they really are funny," she said

"Why didn't you let me answer that last question?" Caspian inquired of his companion

"_I don't want to hear your choice because whichever identity of mine you pick _I_ still lose somehow. You say you love me but why can't you see _me_?_ _But most of all, if you didn't say 'Helen' I know it would break my heart just a bit more." _Susan thought to herself

Out loud she replied, "It was too personal a question. I wouldn't want to put anyone on the spot much more your majesty."

"You know I've figured it out. Whenever we talk about something sensitive, you become formal with me. The question is this, is the act for my benefit or for yours?" Caspian said thoughtfully,

"Helen, I think of you as a friend and I do hope you would treat me the same. When I am with you, I am not a king but an ordinary man. Whatever you say, no matter how horrible or how personal your questions are, I will not judge or get angry. I will answer because it is a friend who asked. There is no need to shield me from anything, I can handle it. I'm not as emotionally worn down as you think I am. Most importantly, I hope that you do not think that you have to protect yourself from me. I will not even dream of hurting you, trust me," he pleaded with her

"All right. Who will you marry?" Susan asked taking a deep breath

"The one I am in love with." Caspian answered, "Now _that_ would have been complicated to explain to the children but there is a marked difference. I find that I can only be _in_ love with just one person. It's hard to know for sure though when the lines are blurred as they usually are but I'll figure it out. I trust that I will. I have to."

"What kind of future do you dream of?" Susan said slightly veering off topic in an attempt to keep the conversation as light as possible.

They were headed into dangerous territory and even if he asked her not to protect him, she had to try to keep the pain at bay for as long as she can. She understood his conflict and she wanted desperately to lessen the pressure he felt. His emotions in the present were waging a war with those feelings tied to his memories of the past, each side with a face representing it. An internal battle he could have avoided if he had seen soon enough both faces had the same eyes. She wanted so badly to just tell him everything to end their misery but he had the key and it was his lock to turn to free them for the prison fate had created for them.

Caspian walked toward her and held her shoulders, gently turning her so she faced the open sea near Cair Paravel. The tranquility of the gently rolling waves and the stillness of everything else on the horizon calmed Susan.

"That right there is what I dream of—a peace that touches everything around it. I want all of Narnia to be blanketed by that feeling and not just the Great Sea. I want my children to grow up knowing that instead of the one I'm living through. I want to spare them from knowing deceit, greed and dishonesty. I want them to learn about this nation's history and be part of a second golden age. I want them to have the luxury of falling in love without a death sentence hanging over their heads. I want them to have a mother who will tell them about life and faith. I want them to know that the Queen of Narnia is more than just a wife to the king but a strong woman who understands the true nature of love. I want a family, Helen." Caspian said as he stood behind her.

Susan closed her eyes and saw the future he built. She saw herself running after their children in the gardens they just left. She saw their family down on the beach by the sea as they celebrated a birthday. She saw Caspian take her hand and promise her the world. The only thing she didn't see was her own face.

"How about you, what do you want?" Caspian whispered to her

"To find myself. After that, I _know_ everything will fall into place." Susan said, the hidden truth scratching the surface

"Explain to me. What exactly will fall into place?" Caspian inquired

"I expect that there will be children in this future I have in my head. I suppose they'll be curious and inquisitive. They will pester me and their father with so many questions that we would never be short of anything to talk about. I dream of the same thing I suppose. A family, a good life and a peaceful home, those might sound simple but after everything I've lived through, it is the best treasure one can ask for in this life." Susan said with a sigh

Caspian understood what that meant perfectly for he was set down a similar path. With all the power and wealth his position entitled him; it was the priceless intangibles that eluded him.

"What will be the father of your children be like?" Caspian asked again

"He will be kind and will always find time for his children. He will be just when he settles squabbles among them. He will teach them the many things he knows but he will also let them learn their own lessons from the mistakes they will inevitably make. He will love them and for that they can never do wrong in his eyes." Susan said feeling her heartbeat in tune with his as he remained behind her

"Will he love _you_ just as much?" Caspian whispered

"I dearly hope so," she replied

"Will you love him that way too?" he asked as he found himself hoping that he could be that man.

"I already do."

It was an answer Caspian was not ready for and it reminded him of the professor's parting words. Maybe it wasn't enough for either of them to live parallel lives—beside each other but never really fated to meet halfway.

Part of him thought it foolish to assume that she had meant him, but the other half knew no other possibility. Only words were lacking to confirm that they hoped for the same things and as always, reality stepped in the way. The memory of Queen Susan kept his hand from taking hers. His reasons he knew and understood, but what was stopping her was still a mystery he wasn't sure he wanted to know just yet.

Pretending as if nothing out of the ordinary had been said, they continued walking and found themselves in the outer gardens where the archery fields were. There were a few men practicing and upon seeing the king, they bent their heads and offered bows and arrows to him and Susan for their use.

Trumpkin, who was also there, widened his eyes at Susan silently telling her to take even just a single shot. Even if it didn't strike a nerve with the king to jolt his memory, it would at least be entertaining to watch her make everyone else look incompetent. He had seen first hand what she could do, and to date he has seen no one that can match her skill. Queen Susan remains to be in a class of her own and it would do good to remind Narnia of it—even when she bears the name Helen.

Susan politely declined, convincing herself that it would be the wisest move since maybe this physical body she wore did not remember the skill of old. Deep down, she just didn't want to risk the disappointment if he still would be lost in his memories and fail once more to uncover the truth.

Caspian took his position and strung an arrow then took his aim, "I never did master this skill. Susan tried teaching me before but I just couldn't hit the center target."

"You were a very distracted student," she muttered under her breath at the memory of trying to get him to aim correctly, when all he seemed to do was turn sideways to watch her.

"What did you say?" Caspian asked as he released the arrow. It landed south of the target—the very edge of it actually.

"Nothing. Try raising your hand up a bit," she said nudging his arm up as he set in another arrow. He released and hit closer to the center this time.

Trumpkin rolled his eyes at the pair. "My lady, if you wish I can teach you," the dwarf offered to her as he held out a bow to her pointedly.

"Yes, he is quite accomplished Helen. If anyone can teach you, Trumpkin can. I would do it myself but obviously it would be unwise for me to even try" Caspian said frowning as he shot another arrow, still impossibly off target

"Raise it higher!" Susan and Trumpkin said at the same time surprising him enough to send the next arrow off to the bushes, which moved more than it should have with that shot.

"No thank you Master Dwarf. I am content with watching, this isn't something I would like to do _right now_." Susan said politely and shot a look at Trumpkin to silence him

'Well, I guess I'll have to make do with the next best thing—leaving them alone.' Trumpkin thought as he began to usher away the last few soldiers who were there

Susan was exasperated with Caspian's poor aim and debated with herself whether she should just demonstrate or move his arms herself. She did not notice they were alone, maneuvered by the dwarf no doubt, until the king had missed the target about ten times.

Something nagged her and she turned again to the bush that Caspian had hit earlier. It was definitely rustling when it should not and she could sense the impatience of whatever creature hid behind it.

A cold shiver went down her spine and instinctively she picked up the bow Trumpkin had left conveniently by her side. Caspian still oblivious to the danger turned to her curiously and stared at her knitted eyebrows. He opened his mouth to question her but a loud rumbling from behind interrupted him.

Everything slowed down as he faced the disfigured giant and heard his strangled cry. His club was raised high and was evidently seeking Caspian as its target. Before the king could even think, an arrow whistled by his ear and struck the giant, sending it crumpling to the ground a foot away from where he stood. Turning around he saw something he had only witnessed once before—a woman standing in fighting form, bow held at the ready and aimed towards the enemy.

The fire in her eyes shone brightly from the adrenaline of hitting the target so precisely. The moment the arrow left her bow, she had felt her old power and strength permeate through the rest of her limbs. In that second, she had returned to her full glory notwithstanding the body that she lived in. She was a warrior queen and even in that instant, it was a fact King Caspian could no longer ignore. Every conversation, every minute he had spent with his 'Helen' flashed through his eyes and of the million questions he had running through his mind, only one left his lips.

"I asked you the day I met you and I will ask you again—_Who are you?_"


	7. Chapter 6: The choices we make

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews! I really appreciate that you take time out to read this and leave your thoughts. Anyway, here you go…hope you enjoy reading :)**

**_Chapter 6: The choices we make_**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

"You already know _me_," Susan said carefully, hoping that Caspian would understand the true meaning behind her words. She was bound not to say it outright but this much she could risk.

Caspian stared hard at her and took in every detail he could, from her tall stance to her blue eyes. But only one thing registered in his mind—that he had seen only one other woman in his lifetime that held a bow that way.

He couldn't breathe. He wanted to fall to the ground and retreat within himself so he could think things through. He wanted to understand her words and the meaning underneath that he knew she was fighting so hard not to scream out loud.

But it was as if someone blocked his memories and he was grasping in the darkness for anything that would make the connection clear. In this nightmare, his mind only screamed one name to save him—'Helen.' It was only the face that he could see in front of him that his consciousness could accept. He wanted to hope for every answered prayer. He wanted to be angry and curse the universe for the seemingly endless trials thrown his way. He wanted to say the name he called out every night in his dreams. When finally he could reach out and touch what he wanted for so long, he was held back by the fear that it wasn't real. His life's happiness hung on this chance and he couldn't help but hesitate. In the end, he let his rational mind take over and focused on the only thing he could hold on to—the friend he had fallen for without knowing it.

The giant stirred from behind him and instantly Susan turned businesslike, grabbing the rope that hung from one of the trees nearby.

"I only immobilized him," she said as she began to tie down the giant who succumbed to unconsciousness once more, "I did not kill him. We need to get him back to the castle so we can interrogate him. I don't think this was a random act. He wouldn't have gotten past the guards if there was no planning involved."

She moved quickly and avoided the king who was still in a stupor in front of her. Susan got up to run for help in carrying the giant when she felt his hand on her arm to stop her. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking.

"I'm sorry." Caspian said softly

"What for?" Susan asked not daring to look him in the eye

"For hurting you."

Tears were blurring her vision but she fought not to let them fall "When?"

"Every single time I asked you who you are, every sign I missed and every moment I spent with you I caused you pain. I'm sorry Helen, for still not knowing who you are, yet loving you just the same."

She cried openly now as Caspian took her in his arms. She let out every frustration and pain she had carried for months now. The king buried his face in her hair as he shed tears as well. He hated himself for not being better. He wanted to break the walls that his mind created for him to keep his sanity. He knew the possibilities were dangerous and should they turn out wrong, it would be enough to break him. But as he listened to her sobs he wanted to take that risk to keep her from the agony of being so close to him.

The world held still as they struggled to return to reality. Susan fought to stop the tears and to return her breathing to a normal pace. She closed her eyes and counted until she could feel her heartbeat slow down. Her head still on Caspian's chest, she realized that by some miracle, even the beating of their hearts had come to be in sync.

The giant had begun to snore and the loud grumbling brought the guards running to investigate the noise. Susan and Caspian parted a few seconds before they arrived and hauled off the creature.

Trumpkin had come as well when he realized the sound had come from where he left the king and queen. He silently observed the tear tracks on Susan's face and the pained expression the king wore before he put two and two together.

"Are you alright?" Trumpkin asked Susan who stood motionless before him.

Susan nodded and turned her head to look at Caspian's retreating form as he followed his men to secure the giant in the castle.

The dwarf picked up the arrow they had taken out of the giant and held it up to her. "I don't think Caspian made this shot. Luck is not enough to hit a giant so accurately to immobilize him but not kill him instantly. See, the way I remember it, if the arrow pierced just a hair to the right, those men would be digging a hole rather than carrying the giant to the castle for interrogation later."

Trumpkin placed the arrow on her hand. "I believe this is your handiwork my queen."

Her hand closed around the arrow and held on to it, letting her gaze fall to the floor as she let exhaustion take over her.

"I understand now why you refused to even hold the bow I handed to you earlier. Your tears are enough to tell me everything I didn't see—you took that shot in front of him and until now he plays the fool." Trumpkin continued

Susan merely looked away as she could not deny that what he said was true. "Come on Trumpkin, they must need our help with the giant."

Even thought he felt like reminding Susan that a king and ten of his strongest soldiers had just carried off the giant and it is unlikely they couldn't take care of everything, he merely nodded and followed his queen inside. It was then that Trumpkin admired Susan more for her inner strength than for her skill, for it took greater courage to stand by the one you love when he couldn't give you what you deserve.

* * *

If anyone questioned why she was in the midst of the council, no one dared to call it out loud. Even the most outspoken lord, Rufian, cowered at the glare of the king that warned them against picking a fight over her presence. In truth, the lady's own aura was enough to command their silence and respect. None of them realized that this was the same woman who served them before as a maid; rather they saw only the warrior that had saved the life of their king.

"Speak giant," Caspian commanded the creature in the middle of the room, "tell us why you attacked."

"Let me go!" the giant grumbled as he tried to lunge forward and break free. The ropes held and he tripped sending a loud boom echoing from the walls. A soldier had come and quickly hit the creature across the face, causing the giant to howl in pain.

Susan raised her bow and aimed at the man, "We are on the same side but hurt him again and I will take this shot. Do not hurt him unnecessarily. He may have committed a crime but he is still a creature of Narnia. Do not force my hand because I assure you I will not miss."

The man moved to the side grudgingly and bowed his head to her in apology. Caspian placed a hand on her arm and motioned for her to lower her weapon. She flinched from the touch but did as was asked. His face reflected his own agony at his confusion, but it would have to wait. As true leaders often do, they would suffer through their personal pains for the greater good.

Susan stepped forward and touched the giant lightly on the arm. "Why do you wish to hurt the king?"

"Why do you protect him?" the giant grumbled back. However, he behaved at her touch and stayed still.

"He is our king. I know that he would lay down his life for anyone in this room. I merely did as he would. I ask you again, why did you attack?" Susan asked

"I give you my word, we will not harm you. We only wish for peace in Narnia and we know you have the answers we need in order to preserve this." Caspian said standing next to Susan

"I was sent to kill the king. If I do not return in a day, they will start a war," the giant said reluctantly looking around to see their reactions.

Caspian held a hand up to silence the rage that was rising among the members of the council.

"Why?" Susan asked unperturbed. It was obvious that they wanted Caspian dead and she found it pointless to dwell on that instead of finding out why.

"We do not have food. We do not have homes. The last leader we had was killed in the battle against the men and now we are to live with them? We blame the king!" the giant grumbled and his anger he spat at the king.

He had been waiting for this, for someone to blame him for the war. His own guilt was confirmed in the eyes of the giant. Even now he questioned if more had been spared had he not run away in the first place and let his uncle be rid of him.

"That war freed you from having to live in obscurity. It allowed you to come out of hiding and find a means to live. Your life is your responsibility, lack of leadership notwithstanding." Susan admonished. She glanced at the silent king and watched the shame wash over him.

"Do not blame yourself for saving Narnia. You have given old Narnians their freedom back and the Telmarines a chance at a new way of life. You are king—do not give in to faulty reasoning. Caspian, look at me." Susan whispered fiercely "This is not your fault. Do not wish that any of this never happened. It is worth it. _We_ are worth it. Fight, my king, fight."

"Where will they attack?" Caspian asked the giant without breaking eye contact with Susan

"Why should I tell you and not just let you die?" the giant argued

"Because you giants do not want any blood on your hands any more than the rest of us. If not, then you wouldn't have a reason to try and kill me first before waging an unnecessary war. We do not want to fight but to protect the innocent, I will not be afraid to use my sword." Caspian declared

The giant contemplated this and looked around the room. Susan stepped closer to the giant and placed a hand on his boulder-like shoulder. "Please," she said softly to the giant.

"By the frontier, near the edge of your kingdom my queen," he answered as gentle as possible for a giant.

The silence that overtook the room was palpable. All eyes widened at the last word the creature spoke and the attention was directed towards the Caspian and Susan who were conscious only of each other, trying to sense how the other would react. It was an honest mistake. Granted the way Caspian's hand flew to the hilt of his sword when Susan stood next to the giant and how she commanded the room, anyone would have easily made the same mistake.

"Thank you for telling us where they are. However, I'm afraid I'm only a queen in my own home and not his majesty's" Susan said with a small smile for the giant.

Trumpkin rolled his eyes. Queen Susan truly was adept in the skills of diplomacy as she diffused the situation with a smooth reply. The king on the other hand, looked ready to simply ignore the comment and set forth making plans to meet the giants.

"Return him to his holding cell but treat him justly. I will tolerate no abuse done to this man in my name." Caspian ordered and the guards promptly took the giant from their midst.

"What do we do now your majesty?" asked a lord named Drinian

"We take this to where they are. We cannot let them get close enough to cause undue harm to those who are not a part of this. We ride to the frontier before dawn. We will attempt to talk to them. Battle is only a last option. Make ready our weapons and alert about fifty of the best soldiers." Caspian said

"Why so few your majesty?" Professor Cornelius asked apprehensive at the risk the king was taking.

"The giants are large and strong but not impressively strategic. We would need more wit than numbers. Besides, it is a show of good faith to be in such a small group. They should understand that we come to talk not to fight." Caspian explained. "I meant what I said about not wanting to fight with them. I will attempt to reason with them first."

The council members each bowed to the king before stepping out to make the arrangements. Soon, only Caspian and Susan remained.

"Will you listen if I ask you to stay here where it is safe?" Caspian asked softly

Susan shook her head with a determined look on her face. "You said you need the best out there, why should I stay? Or do you not trust my skill as an archer?" she said challenging him.

"What if I do? It is the first time I've seen you handle a bow." Caspian countered

Susan picked up her bow and shot the chair behind the king three times in rapid succession, each arrow slicing the air cleanly—all three passed so close to the king's face that he felt them brush past his head.

"I cannot protect you out there." Caspian pleaded

"I'm not asking you to." Susan said then turned around to walk away from him.

"I won't be able to fight if I'm worrying over what will happen to you," he said

"Then let's hope we won't need to fight."

Caspian put a hand on her shoulder and stopped her from leaving the room. "Do not do this. I'm begging you."

"Why?" Susan said looking straight ahead unyielding to his touch

"I do not doubt your skill. Inside me, there is nothing but trust that you can handle even the best of your opponents. I know inside me that you've done this before, but Helen, I cannot remember that. I cannot trust my instinct when my memory gives me nothing."

"Then trust _me_ my king. If you think I'm doing this to be heroic, I am not. I am doing this because I cannot stay knowing you are their target and wonder if you are alive or dead out there. It is for my sanity that I will join you. It is for my love that I will risk my life. Give me that honor, your majesty." Susan said turning around to look him directly in the eye, leaving a whisper of a kiss on his cheek before walking away.

* * *

It had been a quick journey to where the giants were assembled. They were not difficult to find because of the damage they left in their wake and the loud rumblings that carried through the air as they argued about what to do now that their mercenary has not returned on the appointed hour. Without a leader, it was a miracle that they had survived this long without turning on each other.

Caspian had sent one of his men to deliver a message of peace to the giants, offering a chance to avoid any violence and a chance to be heard without judgment by the king himself. The giants had responded by sending back the man with a broken arm and leg.

The king sat on a piece of dry log and watched as the professor tended to the injured man in the middle of their makeshift camp. Much as he wanted to try again, he could not afford to have his men badly beaten when the giants were obviously itching for a fight. In vain he looked around, searching for a glimpse of her, hoping that he would find that she had left to return to safety. He found her sitting alone by the edge of the group, observing her surroundings intently for any hint of danger. It seemed as if she had done this so many times before and deep inside him he knew this to be true.

Trumpkin approached the king and sat down next to him. "Your majesty, are we to send out another soldier?"

"No. Tomorrow we fight. Once we subdue them, we will try and make them see reason. At the very least, once we're through they should fear us enough to keep them from causing any real trouble." Caspian said standing up.

Trumpkin nodded and went off to spread the news. He didn't get far. A stone hit him in the head and knocked him unconscious to the ground. They were being ambushed.

Caspian sprung into action and pulled the sword from his side, slashing left and right as he made his way to Susan. The battle broke out around him and he yelled instructions to his men, telling them where the burly creatures were weak. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw the professor running blindly towards an enemy, far enough not to hear his warning. His heart almost stopped as he saw the old man being lifted by the foot and then shaken upside down. The giant threw the professor on the ground and held him again by the neck this time. Caspian's eyes widened in horror as he watched the scene unfold, propelling him to run forward to try and save his teacher. Then just as quickly the giant's eyes shot up in surprise and his grip loosened as he fell backwards in a heap, an arrow sticking out of his chest.

Both Susan and Caspian ran to the professor and made a protective perimeter around him as they circled the area where he lay.

"Are you alright?" Caspian shouted as he sliced the arm of one of the giants who tried to grab him.

"I'll be fine! Do not worry about me!" the professor shouted back with a strangled voice, clearly in pain

His men were struggling to best the giants, for though they weren't intelligent; their sheer size in strength was slowly beginning to overpower the unprepared soldiers.

"Helen! Help them, I'll stay with the professor!" Caspian yelled over the roar of the giant he struck with the side of his sword.

No sooner than the words left his lips did he regret it. She had gotten only a few meters away, shooting down opponents as she went, when a club soared through the air and knocked her down right in front of a giant who had secured a sword and was brandishing it about.

'_Peter!'_

Susan had fallen to the ground, her bow lying useless three feet from her grasp. She stared in shock at the giant in front of her, a scream frozen inside her throat.

'_Caspian, this won't make things any better.'_

He watched her fall as the voice came louder and louder, his memories flooding back with every step he took. His sword slashed left and right as he fought his way to her, trying to recreate history and save her again.

'_Why don't you hold on to it, you might need to call me again."_

She wanted to move but her arms and legs would not obey her. Her mind was screaming at her to run but all she could do was watch the giant preparing to shove the sword through her. Only her eyes cooperated as they moved to follow Caspian. She watched his determination to get to her in time but she knew he would be a second too late.

'_I'm afraid that's just it—we're not coming back.'_

His eyes locked with hers and he wished for nothing but time. Time to get to know her over and over again, time to love her and give her the life she dreamed of, time to tell her he's figured it out. Just enough time to save her.

'_I'm glad I came back'_

In spite of the terror that she faced, she forced herself to smile at him. If only to give him a final memory of a love she risked everything for. It would be a bitter tragedy, but his wounds would heal and fate will go on as if she never stayed. Lucy and Edmund had not yet returned and he still had a chance at living the life he was meant to.

'_It would never have worked anyway.'_

He felt fear course through his body as he saw her smile. She was giving up. His lips opened to shout at her but the only thing he heard was her scream of agony as the blade cut through her. When he reached the giant, he shoved his sword through the creature and did not look back to see the life leave the eyes of the beast that hurt his love.

She was right—he came a second too late.

'_I am 1300 years older than you.'_

He tried to stop the bleeding but the cut was too deep. He tore his shirt and wrapped it around her midsection where the giant had injured her. She was unconscious and pale, her breath coming in short gasps. The battle was slowing down around him, his men finally besting the few giants left standing. But his fight was only starting. He could not speak through the sobs that wracked his body and hers. He felt pain wash over him as if he was the one bleeding out. He did the one thing he had wanted to do ever since they danced the fateful night the queen had graced the Great Hall of Cair Paravel once more—he kissed her. Even with her lips cold and pale, it still clutched his heart and renewed his pain at the memories that crashed on him. He remembered everything, each touch, each look and all the words she spoke from the day he met her. _Everything_. And he had nothing to show for it but her blood on his hands.

* * *

They had stopped asking the king to rest and leave her side even just for an hour or two. He would not hear it. It was a difficult journey back to the castle, but by some miracle she had made it back alive, albeit still unconscious and still fighting for her life.

"She's burning up and there is still much blood coming out from the wound." Professor Cornelius said to Trumpkin who also watched over Susan in the king's chambers.

"She will get through this." Trumpkin said fiercely to convince himself as he watched her become paler than ever. Her face was contorted in pain they could not alleviate.

The physician who had been examining the wound looked at the king and shook his head.

"Go." Caspian said to the man, refusing to accept what he was being told

The physician stepped outside with the other two and left Caspian holding Susan's hand as he whispered to her.

"She might not make it through the night," the healer said to Trumpkin and the professor

"Might. You mean there's still hope?" Trumpkin asked

"Yes, but it's a very small chance," he said

"That's good enough," the dwarf said. "Come on professor, there's something you must help me find."

Inside the room, Caspian felt raw as he watched her fight for her life. He wanted to take on her pain himself. Over and over he replayed the moment in his mind, each time he saved her. But it wasn't the reality he faced.

It wasn't long before dawn when the screaming started.

"Peter!" Susan screamed her eyes tightly shut causing Caspian to wonder if she were awake or merely dreaming.

"Edmund! Lucy! No, not my family! Please don't take them away from me!" Susan shouted in her sleep

"I'm right here, they aren't in any danger," he said trying to soothe her

"Please, I can't lose them. I'm begging you. I can't…Please no. Not them" Susan sobbed through her sealed eyes

Caspian cried along with her not knowing how to end her nightmare. But his sobs could not drown out the hoarse voice that called out for people who have been long gone from Narnia.

"I can't die. My brothers, my sister, they don't know where I am. I haven't said goodbye…they need me…I need my family…Please." she screamed again, her tears flowing down her face.

"Please wake up. Please. Come back to me and I promise I'll find a way," Caspian said to her over and over, matching her cries as she called out for her family. When exhaustion moved her into a deeper slumber, Caspian stayed awake only long enough to watch her even breathing before he fell asleep holding her hand, still whispering for her to come back.

* * *

_He opened his eyes to bright sunlight and found himself on the beach facing the great sea. He panicked as he thought to return to Susan's side._

"_She will not go anywhere, Son of Adam. At least not yet." Aslan said walking towards him from the mouth of the cave by the edge of the beach._

Caspian fell to his knees in front of the lion.

"_She will live." Aslan replied, "But I'm not because of that."_

_Caspian looked confused but he held his tongue and waited for Aslan to continue._

"_I have come to ask you why it is that you do not acknowledge what you know in your heart and mind to be true."_

_The king looked old and worn as he closed his eyes and contemplated on his answer. He wanted to imagine her alive and well beside her but he only saw the kings and queens of old as they left Narnia to his care. He could not find his voice and instead he stared at the open sea, willing it to answer for him._

"_What will happen if I do?" Caspian asked finally_

"_She will return to you as the woman you love, in her truest and original form."_

"_And her family? Will she see them again?" he asked_

"_She will see the two who are destined to return but nothing more than that. The world cannot change anymore than it has and allow anything past that." Aslan replied honestly_

"_What wrong have we done to warrant such a fate?" Caspian said softly_

"_Tell me dear one, had all this not happened, can you truly tell yourself that you love the woman that she is or the legend that is imprinted in your mind These trials have been necessary to bring out the true nature of love—and this is what moves the deepest magic of all words, what can change destiny to give you a life with her." _

"_Caspian, you have proven that you love her for who she is inside. You have seen past the illusion but not acknowledging it keeps it from being a reality. True acceptance of her identity is not complete because until now you hesitate. Why dear one?" Aslan asked_

"_Because from what you're telling me, I'm the only one standing in the way of her family getting her back and I cannot keep that from her. She deserves more than a fraction of happiness Aslan. I can't keep her here only to have her lose the most important people in her life," Caspian said._

"_This was her choice, she knew the consequences," the lion replied_

"_I understand that but I cannot ignore the truth she screams for the world to hear as she lies there dying. If I have to force the choice on her, so be it. I'll give her what she wants, even if she doesn't know yet that she longs for it."_

_Caspian turned to the lion and looked into his eyes, which carried the pain of watching the young king make a choice he felt was for the greater good even if would break two hearts in the process._

"_Can I ask you something?" Caspian said_

_Aslan nodded, "What is it dear one?"_

"_Will she remember me after?"_

"_All her life."_

"_Will this hurt her?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Will she ever smile again?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then that is enough."_

_The stood side by side for a while, before Caspian asked his final question._

"_How much time do we have left?" _

"_Until the two return in a year's time. If by the time they depart you still choose to let this remain to be only a possibility in your mind, then she must leave with them. Dear one, do not be afraid to love her enough to let her make her own choice. Do not fear that you are giving her half a life. Do not be afraid to love her Caspian, because in the end it will be enough." _

* * *

Caspian awoke with a start and realized that Susan's eyes were open and shining brightly. Trumpkin was standing on the other side of her, holding what seemed to be Queen Lucy's magic cordial.

Susan blinked and moved her hand to where the wound was bleeding before. She felt no pain but instead a warm glow seemed to move through her body, healing everything in its path. She felt her other hand being gripped tightly by another as if daring her to clench right back.

Caspian could not believe it. She was alive, as Aslan said she would be. His dream was real and he understood what he had to do as he took in every detail of her face, committing each part to memory. In the days to come, it will be all he will have and he didn't want to miss anything from now until the last second they will have together.

"Caspian." Susan said, squeezing his hand to call him out of his reverie

The king turned to her and looked deep into her eyes and said the name he would forever carry with him—"_Helen._"

With one simple word, he made his choice and with it he took away the light that had begun to shine in her eyes when she thought she saw recognition flicker in his own. By his own hand, he began the countdown to the day when they would again wish for more time together and wonder if it would have ever turned out the way they imagined it to be.


	8. Chapter 7: As the seconds slip by

**A/N: Thank you again for all the reviews! I enjoyed reading them :) Hope you keep reading and that you enjoy this update :)**

**Chapter 7: As the seconds slip by**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

_"Sail away with me."_

Caspian said pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. They were standing on the balcony of the room that faced the southern sun once again, as they had done many times before. It had been months since the trouble with the giants. Since then, peace had reigned over Narnia and the only thing that haunted them still were the scars of the past and the speed with which time passed.

Susan tilted her head and gave the man before her a questioning look. She had watched him change slowly from the moment she opened her eyes. There was a shift from somewhere inside him and she could feel the calm emanate from him as if he was resigned to his fate. Her instinct told her that something was amiss, but looking at him so at peace, she could not help but feel the same.

He reached up and traced the side of her face with his finger. Every single day he attempted to memorize her face, how it flushed when she was embarrassed, how she tried to disguise her smile when he would trip and how she would get that faraway look in her eyes when he missed out on a clue he doesn't really need anymore.

"Sail away with me," Caspian repeated, lifting her chin so she could look at him directly

She only saw sincerity in his eyes. Of all the transformations the man before her had gone through in the past few months, what still caught her by surprise was how he was never ashamed to show her how he felt. It didn't matter if they were alone or in front of the entire council, he always looked at her like there was no one else in the room. He adored her and he didn't care if the world knew it.

"Are we running away?" Susan asked playfully

Caspian gave a small laugh, wondering if she knew that he wanted to do just that. In the months he planned and thought of what to do with what was left for them, he imagined that if he took her far away enough they could forget everything and just be together, that he didn't have to be the perfect gentleman she needed and just be the man who loved her.

"No, but we can if you want to" he joked. Taking a deep breath, he took both of her hands in his, as the sun had once again begun to set in the background. As beautiful and brilliant were the rays that extended across the southern sky, they had eyes only for each other.

"I swore an oath to Aslan the day he crowned me king of Narnia, that they day I found peace in all of Narnia, I would sail east and search for friends of my father—the seven lords Miraz had banished. I want to honor my father's death by restoring what little I can of uncle's treachery."

Family. It was something she understood so well for even now she missed her own. In every action, she wanted to do right by them and Caspian was only doing it in his own way. She could not refuse him, not when he was being so noble. Not when time was running out.

She let him envelope her in his arms by way of an answer of assent. Susan felt him place his chin on the top of her head and instantly she felt content. They began to sway in place to music only they could hear until the stars had replaced the sun.

"Who will you leave in charge?" Susan asked after a time

"Trumpkin. He's the best for it, his loyalty will overshadow any temptation to let power corrupt him." Caspian replied

"He will refuse you know. He will not want you to leave. He will think he's not ready." Susan said smiling

"Which is why I need you to be there when I ask him." Caspian said grinning at her

"Why do you think he will listen to me?" Susan asked

"Oh no, I need you there to point an arrow at him in case he tries to threaten bodily harm on my royal person."

Susan laughed out loud and punched Caspian lightly on the arm. She shook her head at the king who seemed to overflow with lightness and good humor of late. It was almost easy to pretend with him that everything was going to be fine, that they weren't running out of time and there wasn't a shadow hiding in his eyes.

"Helen, sail away with me." Caspian said a third time, pulling her close so she could not see the pain on his face as he said the name. She let him do such, because she had a secret as well, that no matter how long it has been, it still hurt her to hear him call her other than her real name.

"To the ends of all the worlds, I will go with you." Susan whispered

"_Just this one my love, because I'm the one who can't follow into your world." _Caspian thought to himself as he held her closer to him as inside him her realized, the countdown has begun.

* * *

Susan looked out the deck and realized that in all her lives here, she was about to go farther than she ever did from Narnia. The Dawn Treader was not as grand as the ships in the golden age, but none of them held a candle to what this ship had witnessed.

It docked in Galma, where it saw the king bested many knights in a tournament hosted by the Duke and more importantly, though many missed it, the ship played host to the jealous queen to the endless amusement of the king.

* * *

_Susan moved about silently in the galley as they departed from Galma. She could feel Caspian's eyes burning a hole through her head but she ignored him, the shameless flirt that he was. _

"_Sire," Reepicheep whispered to the king who was trying in vain to catch her attention, "have you done something wrong?"_

_As if on cue, Susan banged the lid on the pot she was holding before putting it away._

"_That would be a yes right there chief mouse," Caspian said wryly as he watched her roll her eyes at him, "Reep, kindly leave us for a moment. I'd like to talk with Helen alone."_

_The mouse bowed low and scurried out, eager to be away from potential flying objects and the wrath of the lady._

"_What do you want to talk about?" Susan said frowning at the king, hands on her hips_

"_I think _you_ have something to say," he said watching her carefully if he said the right thing_

_At first it seemed like she would return to the silent treatment, but she couldn't hold it in and finally let it out._

"_Why couldn't you just have told her no and be done with it?" Susan exclaimed_

"_Who?" Caspian asked truly confused since she was the only female on board and he doubted she was talking of herself_

"_The duke's daughter! You obviously do not like her and have no intentions of marrying her, why did you have to lead her on? Or you just like the attention?" she huffed, sitting down and slamming her hands on the worktable in front of her_

_Caspian smiled, which infuriated her even more. "Are you jealous my lady?"_

"_Of her freckles? I assure you, _your majesty,_" she emphasize, "I am not jealous of her in_ any_ way. I am only sorry that she was misled to hoping you would marry her."_

_At this Caspian laughed out loud and he had to duck to avoid the small piece of firewood she tossed his way. Sitting down in front of her, he placed both hands on her face to make her look at him. She shut her eyes in protest and frowned again at the king. _

_She was clearly acting out, for in all her years she was always revered most beautiful, even in her current state. Attention was always hers and now when it mattered the most, Caspian had the nerve to look another way._

_Not giving up, Caspian finally pulled her into his arms until he felt her calm down. With her face buried in his chest, he explained to her._

"_I do not deny that I spoke to her. I did that out of common courtesy. I did not reject her for there was nothing to shy away from. She was only being hospitable to a guest in her home and nothing more. Yes, I agree there is no need to be jealous of her freckles or any part of her because no matter how her father wished for a match, he cannot will _you _away from my heart or my mind. So please, do not throw sticks at me. I do not have as great reflexes as you believe. You might hit me in the face my lady."_

* * *

Susan shook her head at the memory, laughing quietly at her own stupidity as she watched the people around her go about their daily chores. Caspian had chosen his men well, hardworking and brave, each took pride in maintaining the ship that held the mark of the great lion. It was an honor to have fought by their side against the pirates that had tried to bring the great Dawn Treader to its knees.

She ran her finger across a hole on the wood before her. It was a shot that very nearly hit Caspian as he shielded her. She wondered how many times would need to almost lose her for him to see the truth he seemed to be missing. She wondered how much it would take for him to let out the recognition that flashes in his eyes every time they meet hers.

* * *

_Susan was pressed backwards into the door of the cabin on the upper deck. Caspian had pushed her out of harm's way and as she was about to move him aside so she could continue shooting, she noticed his wince of pain as she pressed on his arm. She looked at the hand that held him and saw it colored scarlet._

_"It only grazed me." Caspian said moving her around before letting his sword fall on the pirate that attempted to board the ship. After that, they fought side by side as their archers pelted the enemy ship with arrows, scaring them off with the might of the king's men._

_It was a while before everything settled and everyone focused on repairing the minor damages to the ship or on tending to the injured._

_Susan lifted the sleeves of Caspian's shirt slowly but a gasp of pain still escaped him. She cleaned the wound carefully and pressed on it to stop the bleeding. Caspian watched her worked and finally saw much of the renowned gentleness he had read about only in books. Her hands walked lightly on his arm trying to spare him from any additional pain. She wound the bandage tightly on his arms and inspected her work._

_"You've done this lots of times before?" Caspian inquired_

_"I got used to it having three siblings growing up," she answered without thinking_

_"Do you still miss them?" he asked softly_

_Susan realized what she had said, a truth not far from the life she created for Helen, and understood his real question._

_"Everyday," she replied still focused on the bandages on his arm_

_"Do you wish you could see them again?"_

_"Yes but it is only one of my wishes."_

_Caspian smiled at her and rolled down the sleeve of his shirt so she could stop staring at the injury._

_"Okay, since you took care of me I'll grant one wish," he said_

_Susan laughed and shook her head before walking away from him. She had to leave for if she did, she might have said the one wish that trumped every other—"Whisper my name, Caspian. Call me Susan."_

* * *

Caspian watched her look out to the sea and approached her. He could feel his resolve waning as he saw that she had let her guard down, the longing clearly etched on her face. He knew the disappointment that she hid with much effort whenever she was around him. He knew that one of these days he would break and be selfish enough to do the one thing that would let him keep her forever.

He stood next to and quietly waiting for her to tell him what was on her mind. He knew better than to waste his time trying to force her into talking, or arguing with her, when the seconds slipped by faster in those moments. No, he would enjoy this feeling of just being with her for as long as he could.

Susan glanced sideways at the man who walked up beside her. She already knew it was Caspian before she even saw him but she checked just the same. Simply because she thought she might as well begin to commit to memory what he looked like because if she weren't so lucky, she'd have only this when the world turned grey on her return to England.

From the corner of her eye, she saw something move in the waves a few ways away—three things to be exact She squinted into the distance and realized they were children. She saw one of the figures clutching at the other and pulling both down into the sea. Susan's eyes widened and reached for Caspian but he had already jumped off the ship and was swimming towards the three.

When finally Caspian came up with the three children, Susan's world imploded in her mind in a blaze of joy and utmost despair. The king had rescued the very people who marked the end for him and his love.

Lucy and Edmund looked at the blond woman before them, instantly seeing the familiar blue eyes. Susan's eyes widened in shock as she took in the reality she was faced with. She shook her head slightly to the left to keep Lucy from running to her and to avoid Edmund's grave disappointment to see her still trapped in another body.

"Let me go! Let me go back!" Eustace cried.

Susan felt a rush of gratitude towards the cousin she usually found annoying. Though, it surprised her that Eustace was in Narnia, she felt grateful just the same as he diffused the situation somewhat by whining so loudly.

Caspian and the rest of the crew felt surprised at why a person saved from drowning would want to be thrown back to the water.

"You must be cold, come I have some clothes that might fit you." Susan said over Eustace's complaints, leading Lucy to the cabin below. She felt her sister flinch at her voice, apparently not expecting to return to Narnia and see her this way.

"Of course, King Edmund, come with me. You can bring him too I suppose." Caspian said leading the two boys another way to his own cabin

When Susan and Lucy were safely in her room, the two sisters hugged fiercely and savored the feeling of their reunion. In spite of the ticking clock, Susan found immense relief in finding her sister alive and well.

"Here, this should fit you well enough." Susan said taking out a blouse and a skirt for Lucy to wear.

Lucy went behind a curtain to change as Susan began to ask her questions, preventing the young girl from asking any of her own.

"How long has it been?"

"A year. How about here?" came Lucy's muffled reply as she pulled the shirt over her head

"How's Peter?" Susan said choking up at the mention of the high king's name

"He's fine. He's with the Professor. He said to tell you, in case we ever see you, he loves you and he wants every happiness for you…and that he'll see you in the end, in Aslan's country." Lucy said sitting down next to her sister.

"How are mother and father?"

"Fine. They still believe that you're in boarding school. Now, can I ask the questions?" Lucy said impatiently

Susan nodded fearing the questions that she hid from herself but Lucy stayed silent, unable to form a question that would not cause pain. Instead, she stood up and embraced her sister.

Lucy could not bring herself to ask why it was that she wasn't back to her normal self because it would be excruciating for both to hear the reality that her sacrifice might just fail. If she could not speak the words to free Caspian's mind, Lucy would have to be content with supporting her sister then it seemed that everything was slipping away.

* * *

Edmund watched Caspian and Susan carefully as they all gathered around, save for Eustace who was green in the face, catching up on what went on in either world.

In the beginning, Edmund was convinced that Caspian was no wiser than any of the other men who saw only the physical body of his sister. He watched the king admire the woman's grace as she helped serve the food, how he listened intently to her musical voice and how he was enthralled by her bright blue eyes.

As he saw how the young king's world revolved around her, Edmund saw the love that was unmistakably unbreakable and felt a twinge of anger that he had fallen in love with this girl not knowing who she really was, as if he had forgotten the queen he thought he had lost. He observed how Caspian moved at her slightest movement, adjusting just enough so that they weren't more than a foot apart. He watched as the king held out a had to steady his sister when she stepped on a slippery part of the floor. He listened to how this king failed and then succeeded at saving Susan's life.

Before the night ended, Edmund saw the truth as the just king always did. Caspian never asked about how Susan was in England and he never found it necessary to introduce his 'Helen' to them. He never even went near the topic, focusing instead on telling the stories of his life in Narnia with her. He told them of how she faced the council and how she challenged him. He told them about her students. He told them of her skill and of her kindness. He told them things they already knew or expected, but in a way that exposed how proud he was of her. In every word, he was telling them that he loved the woman next to him and just how much he was willing to sacrifice for her happiness.

Edmund found Caspian standing on the poop deck and approached him.

"Eustace is being a brat. Mind if I wait it out with you until he falls asleep?" Edmund said

"Of course you're welcome to stay." Caspian said amiably

The silence was strained as Edmund fought to control his urge to interrogate the man. But he saw the conflict within the man and how much it cost him to see them return.

"It isn't over yet."

"It might as well be." Caspian replied

"Why are you being noble to the point of stupidity?" Edmund retorted in frustration

"She is happy to see you and Lucy. How can stand in the way of that and more?"

"She is happy _with you_. How can _you_ stand in the way of that?" Edmund said turning Caspian's words against him

"She almost died Edmund. I held her in my arms. I watched her writhe in agony as she fought to live, calling out for all of you. In her moment of great need, she wanted her family." Caspian argued.

"_You_ are her family now if you choose it." Edmund countered

It was something wanted so badly but was afraid of reaching out for. He wanted to make her _his_ queen, make her his wife till the end of their days. He wanted to build with her what he never had as a child--a family. He practically had the blessing of Edmund right here and now but the one consent he still lacked was his own. He wanted her to have everything he could give, even at his own expense and this was something he counted as part of that.

"Love her for who she truly is. It isn't all or nothing. There is another way if you just meet her halfway Caspian. We're all counting on you to make the right choice." Edmund said before returning to the cabin below.

The king faced the heavens and closed his eyes. He inhaled deeply then let out his breath slowly. He knew he wasn't alone. He was afraid to turn around because he knew it wasn't Edmund this time. It was someone who heard every reason he had kept to himself for so long.

"I called out for them because they weren't there and in those moments I thought I would die never having said goodbye the way I wanted to. I didn't call out yours because I never want to say goodbye to you and even on the brink of death, I could not imagine it. I still do not." Susan said from behind him, tears falling from her face

"Don't say that." Caspian said hoarsely, refusing to turn around

"It's the truth. I chose this and I am prepared to face all the consequences of it. Do not try to save me from it the same way I will not force you to say what you've lived with these past few months."

Caspian gasped in surprise that she had understood him so well that even his silence didn't prevent her from knowing what he tried to keep from her.

"You do not have to protect me," she said softly

"I have to try."

Susan stepped forward to stand beside him, taking a deep breath before speaking once more.

"You are kind and I trust you will have time for your children as you have for your kingdom. You are just and will be fair with your children. You know much of this world and everything in between but you will not impose this on your children for you will allow them to live their lives and learn their own way. You will love them and they will never do wrong by you. You asked me before of my dreams. I dream of you Caspian—as the father of my children, as my husband, as my friend and as my one true love."

Then only sound that followed was the rolling waves beneath the Dawn Treader. Susan closed her eyes in defeat and turned around to return to the deck below. She had done her part and the rest was up to him. She cannot survive this alone and it wasn't enough he wasn't on the same side—he was fighting against her.

Caspian's heart was waging a a war against reason. Each step she took as she walked away from him intensified the reality his decision was creating between them. It spoke of a distance that would only grow with time and a heartache that would never really go away. The walls were being built slowly around them that when the time came for her to leave, he wouldn't even be able to reach out the way he wanted so badly to right now.

But just like how it is darkest before dawn, the sunlight always manages to shatter the blackness that envelops the world. Just when hope was almost gone from her soul, Caspian's voice rang clearly through the night and cut through all the agony they built up over time. Finally, he said what she had been waiting for her since the day he found her in his chambers as a lost and wide-eyed maid—

_"Susan."_


	9. Chapter 8: The Calm Before the Storm

**A/N: Hi everyone! Thanks again for all the reviews :P I have a few chapters to go so I hope you keep reading :) Hope you enjoy the update :)**

**_Chapter 8: The Calm before the Storm_**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

Her name was something she took for granted when she was a child, feeling it was too plain or to common back in England. The moment she took on a new identity, her name burned within her like a secret she could not keep. There were days that she wanted to scream her own name as loud as she could, if only to remember how it sounded like. And now that Caspian used it to unlock the deep magic that carried them through to this point in time, her name was the music that freed her soul and her heart.

The illusion faded before Caspian's eyes. He watched the veil lift slowly as Susan's hair began to darken, how her lips turned full and red, and once again the gentle queen of the golden age returned to them. The remnants of youth were stripped away from Susan as she blossomed into the woman she was always meant to be. However, in all her beauty and grace, the young king noticed only one thing—her blue eyes never changed. He could deny no longer that the woman and the queen he fell in love with are one and the same.

For a whole second, the entire sea honored the moment and fell completely still. Susan lifted her hands and touched the curls that now lay on her shoulders. She looked at Caspian with a hint of fear in her that she might see in his eyes disappointment that the woman he valued more than life itself has gone from him and was replaced by a face that didn't live up to the images in his memories.

That fear was never realized as Caspian closed the gap between them and pulled her tight against him as if she was his lifeline. She could barely breathe but in that moment she felt she didn't need to. She placed her palm on his chest and felt his heartbeat, using it to tell her this was real. She was no longer living under a half-truth and the next time he told her he loved her it would not be to a young girl in another world or a woman playing a role in the king's palace.

Caspian loosened his hold on her and lifted his hands to her face. The relief that radiated from him was mirrored in Susan's eyes as he was freed from his conflicting emotions and only one remained—love. There was no doubt in his mind that this was his queen and that he loved her enough to want her with him for the rest of his life. In her eyes he saw his dreams come to life and as he lowered his lips to kiss her, he knew that this future would come to pass.

It was a kiss that echoed the love that reverberated in the deep magic that ruled the world. In that passionate moment, Caspian and Susan broke the laws of fate and transcended the destiny originally set for them. They had proven that in the middle of the darkest moments of Narnia, they found what some people died never knowing—a love that could exist even when the world stopped turning.

"I love you Susan." Caspian whispered on her lips as they broke contact. He rested his forehead on hers not willing to let her move an inch from him.

"I love you too." Susan said softly as he pulled her close to him once again, more gently than the first time.

He breathed in her scent as they slowly swayed on the spot, beneath the moonlight that danced on the water all around them.

"What changed your mind?" Susan asked after some time, breaking the comfortable silence

"How many times will you let your dreams turn its back on you before you start running after it? I can only watch you walk away from me so often before it drove me crazy. In the end, I wasn't man enough to be selfless to give you an easy way out of this world. But you can change your mind even if you're completely yourself now. I will not stand in the way."

"I choose to be with you in Narnia while I'm alive and in Aslan's country for an eternity after this life, you hear?" she said touching his nose, pretending to reprimand him for being so stubborn.

"Yes, your majesty. Your wish is my command." Caspian said making a small salute to her, earning him a chuckle from the queen

"Had I known you had a tendency to be corny I'd have taken my chance to run away with someone else." Susan joked

"Ah, and who would you run away with?" Caspian asked

"A knight of Galma maybe. They were pretty good don't you say?"

"You can ride a horse better than those _boys _and you have a better aim than five of them combined. It would be a travesty for you to end up anyone of the them."

"They can handle a bow better than you Caspian." Susan said shaking her head at the memory of all the times he hit anything but the target

"What can you do when your teacher suddenly goes away and gets a new personality? Heard she's back though. I'm thinking of asking her to teach me again." Caspian said triumphantly

"So you're happy I'm back just because I can teach you?" Susan said raising an eyebrow at him.

He laughed and twirled her around so her back was to him as he held her close as they continued to sway slowly. Caspian placed his cheek next to her and savored the feeling of being so close to her.

"You're not back for you never truly left my queen. Whether or not I knew you hid in Helen's body, it doesn't matter for in my heart you were most alive. I'm happy you're now free to do as you please, hopefully that includes teaching me how to aim." Caspian answered

"I know why you hesitated to accept that it's me and just acknowledge it to the world, but you never did say when you began to figure it out. What gave me away? When I shot the arrow at the giant?" she asked tilting her head at him

"That did make me suspicious but I wasn't sure then. I just knew that you weren't simply a maid as you pretended to be. It was when you fell in battle when that giant hit you. You were on the ground in the exact same way I found you that day in the woods with a Telmarine soldier about to strike you. My body recognized the fear of losing you the same time my mind remembered the only one who could make me feel desperate to be a hero." Caspian answered.

"Didn't Helen ever make you feel that way? Didn't you want to save _her_ and not me that day?" Susan asked a little fearful of his answer.

"She did awaken those feelings in me," he began placing his hand on hers, "Helen was my confidante and my strongest critic. She was taught me how to dream and how to stand up and be king. Yes, I wanted to save her but I couldn't because she died the moment the pieces fell into place and I understood the greatest lesson she taught me—how to fall in love with _you._ When I thought you left, the legendary warrior queen enamored me. It was only through Helen that I finally saw beyond that. It is through her that I can tell you now how much I love you for the woman that you are and the queen that you always will be."

A lone tear escaped her eye that Caspian caught on her cheek. "Why did you torture yourself that way Susan, to live as someone who could very well fade into the shadow of the memories _you_ left behind?" he asked

Susan extricated herself from his arms and went to the side of the ship and looked down at the water below. "It would be a greater torture to live in a world with muted colors that never even knew you existed. You would fade away in memories I'd come to think of as fiction from a childhood game. I didn't want to lose you; I only wanted to love you." Susan said

Caspian placed his arms around her shoulders as they waited for daybreak. For now, sleep would have to wait for the souls who had been kept apart by fabricated realities. Exhaustion had no place in the body of Susan who had proven that their love was worth it.

* * *

"You're here too?" Eustace exclaimed in disbelief at finding the older Pevensie in the same ship. "But when did we get to shore to pick you up? Or did you almost drown as well in those infested waters?"

Susan and Caspian turned away from the sea that glistened under the bright morning sun to face the boy whose temper was rising, their private reunion finally interrupted. Eustace thought they might have not told him that they had passed by land and did not tell him so he would be trapped on the ship with them.

"How about we drown you instead, dear noisy cousin?" Edmund said from behind as Lucy ran past both boys and flung her self at Susan.

"Oh Susan! It's really you!" Lucy said happily giving her sister a tight hug.

Susan smiled and embraced her young sister back, her eyes trained on Edmund who approached them slowly. Lucy let go of Susan as the older girl held out her hands to their brother. Edmund reluctantly stepped into her outstretched arms, trying to hide his own joy at finally seeing Susan.

"Thank you Edmund, for everything," she whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, well someone needed to tell him what an idiot he was being." Edmund said. "Anytime Susan. Anytime you need me, I'm here," he said turning serious for a moment.

"Well, you haven't answered my question! And I don't see my breakfast! Where is that blond maid you had around here?" Eustace demanded

"Is he really your cousin?" Caspian wondered aloud as he watched the boy stomp back and forth in front of them

"He must have been switched at birth or something." Edmund replied looking at Eustace as well

"There was no blond maid Eustace, you were just imagining things. How horribly seasick you must have been," Susan said flatly as her cousin dampened her buoyant mood

"Why yes, that must be it. You're right I'm still feeling a bit under the weather so can someone just get me some food. None of that stuff from last night though. It will me make me more sick. I cannot believe you would feed the same thing to me as you would a mouse."

Lucky for Eustace, Lucy was quick enough to hold back Reepicheep who was about to report to Caspian that Helen was missing. The chief mouse was struggling against the queen as he reached for his rapier ready to skewer the young boy.

"Why you…! I am a knight of Narnia and not some common creature! Have some respect!" Reepicheep called out

"Lucy, just let him go. It would be far more entertaining to watch Eustace run around than to listen to his whining." Edmund said

Caspian laughed and Susan gave both him and Edmund a disapproving look. "Lucy why don't you and Eustace look for something to eat."

Lucy nodded and let go of Reepicheep to go with Eustace below the deck. The chief mouse was so stunned by Susan's presence that he let Eustace leave without so much a second glance.

"Your majesty, I didn't realize! What a pleasant surprise it is to find you here! But when did you arrive?" he asked

"Just last night dear friend," Susan said exchanging a knowing look with Caspian.

"Isn't there something you came to tell me about" Caspian asked trying to distract the mouse from asking too many questions of Susan's return

"Oh, yes! Sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news. I cannot find the lady Helen. Sire, I would suggest that we turn back to see if she has gone overboard but I fear we are too late." Reepicheep said solemnly for he knew the lost passenger held a special place in the king's heart

"I am not lost dear friend. _I_ am Helen. It is a long story that can wait but trust that no danger has befallen the friend you left Narnia with. I have one request to make of you, do not alert anyone else about this." Susan pleaded wanting to keep the pains and joys she and Caspian had gone through as quiet as possible. It is true that she is now free from her secret but everything was still so fresh in her mind that to relay the story over and over seemed to take away bits and pieces of the reality she was still getting used to. She didn't want it to lose meaning so fast by being scrutinized and analyzed by everyone they knew.

"But my queen, the others will wonder…" the mouse said looking around if anyone else had come up to alert the king of the missing passenger

"Look! Over there!" Edmund exclaimed, "The Lone Islands! I think that's actually Felimath. We can go ashore on one of the boats, pretend Helen is with us, and then we'll just tell the rest that she decided to stay there. Susan can pretend to be her under a cloak for now or something since the rest haven't seen her."

"I remember during our time they only kept sheep there." Susan replied gazing at the island

"It is not far from the life you created for her Susan," Caspian said warming up to the plan, "We have to move quickly. Call Lucy. We must leave now. The ship can pick us up on the other side."

"Yes sire," Reepicheep said bowing low before scurrying off to find the youngest Pevensie.

Caspian left them as well to secure a cloak for Susan to hide her face before anyone could see her. Edmund stared at the growing landmass with a pensive expression on his face.

"What's on your mind Edmund?" Susan asked, wary of the look on her brother's face

"That place was practically uninhabited during our time. Who knows what kind of place it is now," he replied

"It doesn't matter, it's not as if we're really leaving anyone behind." Susan said

"I know but I'm wondering if we should really risk going about that place. For all we know, it might not just be fields and a few kind people there." Edmund said

Caspian reappeared and placed a dark brown cloak over Susan, barring anyone from seeing her face. Reepicheep returned with an irate expression on his face as Eustace and Lucy followed him.

"I demand to go on land!" Eustace said, "You cannot leave me on this wretched ship while you all go gallivanting on dry earth!"

"Fine," Caspian said, turning to the others, "I have told the captain to lower the boat then get us from the other side."

They went into the boat, with much jostling over who had to carry the burden of sitting beside Eustace who was turning a pale shade of green, and rowed over to the shore in silence. When finally they reached the island, their moods lifted as they saw the green grass that stretched on to a hill before them.

Lucy and Susan got excited and ran out of the boat spinning around on the grass on their bare feet. The rest of the group followed them and they all walked the incline up the hill. They came upon a band of men, all heavily armed, with a suspicious air about them.

Edmund felt his stomach drop, glanced sideways at Susan as if trying to confirm if his gut was on the nose earlier. Susan's mouth was set in a thin line as her hand unconsciously reached out for Caspian's.

"Act normal. Do not let them know who we are, maybe if they think we're unimportant enough they'll let us through." Caspian whispered to his companions. Loudly, he called out to the group, "Good day! Kind gentlemen, would you be able to tell us of the governor of the Lone Islands?"

"Ay, Governor Gumpas over at Narrowhaven. We'd take you there but we're about to have some drinks. Why don't you join us and we'll take you after?" said the burliest of the bunch

"Oh we know where that is. We can go along now. Thanks anyway." Edmund said trying to walk away. The tallest man on the left cut him off, while the rest of the men circled them like a pack of hungry wolves.

"I don't think you understood, that wasn't a request. You have to stay and join us," the leader called Pug said

Caspian and Reepicheep were the only ones that had swords with them, which they now held out trying to assess if they could take down the six men without letting the rest be harmed. Eustace, who had never been under such duress before, was hysterical and was sobbing.

"You can take them! Just don't kill me! Here take her!" he said shoving Lucy forward. Luckily, Caspian maneuvered quickly that he caught Lucy before she fell into the waiting hands of Pug. What he didn't count on was the man on the far left, coming in quickly to grab Susan and place his sword on her neck.

"I'd drop that sword young man, and you too little mouse, unless you want her precious blood spilled on the grass." Pug called out maliciously, "My friend there is not fond of being threatened with sharp objects."

Reluctantly, they dropped their weapons to the ground and were roped together in a line.

"I think we're good to sell most of them right away," said Pug sizing up his catch of slaves for the day. "Come on, hurry along. We've got people to meet and money to make."

They walked on awkwardly thinking how they could escape being sold as slaves. Caspian tried in vain to loosen the knots before one of the men noticed and tightened the ropes even further. It was a few hours before they came upon a small town by the other side of the island. Pug led them straight to one of the structures, where a man of seemingly high stature came out.

"Your lordship, I present my latest offering to you. Take your pick." Pug said bowing low to the man.

"How much is that one?" the man said pointing to Caspian

"Oh of course you would pick the best. He is a fine strong man, skilled with the sword it seems. He is worth three hundred." Pug answered, his voice dripping with fake sincerity

The lord of the house caught one of Pug's men being unnecessarily close to the maiden behind the man he picked. She was breathtakingly beautiful and would no doubt be in danger in the hands of these men.

"Three hundred but you throw in the girl," the man said instinctively protective of the maiden

Pug pretended to contemplate for a while, trying to see if he could still haggle for a better price but the offer was already too good. "Done!"

"Oh please can't you take us all?" Lucy pleaded with the old man

"I'm sorry, I can only afford them," he said guiltily. For though the lord participated in this trade, there was remorse that he was an instrument to the continuing slave market.

"Hush child, someone will be a master for you tomorrow. Don't fret. Now be quiet while we finish our transaction." Pug said signaling to one of the men to release Caspian and Susan.

Susan looked at her siblings worriedly then at Caspian who seemed on the verge of fighting the men with his bare hands, consequences be damned. He could not wait around and let this happen. Edmund stared them down and shook his head just a fraction to the side, signaling to them to let it play out. He and Reep could watch out for Lucy and Eustace. Caspian and Susan would be in a better position to help later on with this old man on their side. He seemed reasonable enough and this Pug did not seem intent on harming them but just getting a profit off of them.

Susan caught Edmund's eye and nodded to him, placing a hand on Caspian's to restrain him. Reluctantly, they watched the others move away from them to board a dingy looking ship anchored on the shore not far from where they stood.

"Come on you two, get inside. Don't worry that man won't hurt them. You might even see them again if Pug manages to sell them to someone who lives in these parts."

Caspian hesitated, placing himself neatly in front of Susan as if to shield her in case this man tried anything.

"Don't be afraid of me. I'll treat you well enough. Truth be told, your face reminds me of something in my past," the man said

"I am not from these parts, how can I be familiar?" Caspian asked guardedly

"Neither am I. I'm from a land far away from here. I am a Telmarine called Lord Bern back then, old man if that rings a bell with you."

They followed him inside where they sat by a worn out dining table and continued the conversation.

"Sir," Susan began, "if I may, how did you come to live in the Lone Islands?"

"I was sent out to sea by a man named Miraz along with six companions. We came here and I fell in love so I chose not to leave. It was a hard choice but how can you separate from someone you know to be meant for you, as I am sure you understand," he said looking at them kindly with a smile on his old face

Caspian's eyes shot up in surprise that they had chanced upon one of the men they had been looking for. Susan nodded at him encouragingly for him to confirm they theory that was forming in his mind.

"Sir, who do I remind you of?" Caspian asked

"My old master, King Caspian the Ninth," he replied without pause

"And I am his son. King Caspian the Tenth of Narnia, Lord of Cair Paravel and Emperor of the Lone Islands."

The man's eyes widened as he recognized the familiar features of the king whom he held in such high regard. He saw the old friend in the eyes of the young king and knew without a doubt this man was telling the truth.

"I am at your service your majesties," he said bowing to them, watching carefully if he had made the correct assumption that she was his queen.

"Ah, your assumption is only half true at this point. This is Queen Susan the Gentle, a queen of Narnia but not by my hand, at least not yet." Caspian said as an introduction, meaning every word of his speech

Lord Bern looked at Susan in astonishment, "But that is a name told only in the most forbidden books of our people. You should have died a thousand years ago!"

"I am alive and well my dear lord, as I wish for my brother and sister to be. Pug took away King Edmund and Queen Lucy without knowing it and we need your help to get them back. Our ship is rounding the bend by now and we will have more men to overpower his but we need to know just how much are we up against." Susan declared

"That would be most unwise, my queen. You see two or three ships will come to his aid once they get a signal of distress. If you only fight with one ship and highly skilled men, you will be on the losing end and might all end up captured once again." Lord Bern said shaking his head

"What do you suggest then?" Caspian said

"An illusion. We pretend that you have come in a grand fashion, complete with pomp and circumstance. Make it appear that your ship is not without comrades at sea, ready to come to battle should anyone try anything. It must look like you are prepared to fight for you are the bravest man in all of Narnia as you are the king. We move to Narrowhaven tomorrow to find the governor and demand that he shut down the slave market once and for all. My king, I know it is your priority to save your friends but you have a chance to make a change for the greater good," he said

Caspian hesitated for he knew time was of the essence. If any of them were sold, it would be doubly hard to find them. He could not let them down, for not only Susan treats them as family. The Pevensies were the closest he had to siblings and he would risk his life and everything along with it for any of them, even the annoying little boy Eustace.

Susan sensed his hesitation and placed her hand over his. As a former ruler of Narnia, she grew in the wisdom of learning how to balance protecting her kin against sacrificing for her people. Her brothers and sister would choose the same path she now guided Caspian towards. It was a risk they were going to have to take to put an end to the inhuman practice.

"All right, how soon can we move?" Caspian asked

"Order your men to make sure the king's mark is seen from afar and have it send out the signals I told you about. Make them think that we're headed in full force to Narrowhaven tomorrow at dawn. We'll meet Gumpas then. I'll round up as many as I can to ride out with us in the morning."

"What makes you so sure they'll fall for it?" the king asked

"These men here are more familiar with wealth and power than right or wrong. They will listen to you because you have both that they covet and fear. Believe me your majesty, they are as obsessed with it as your uncle was but without his cunning." Lord Bern replied and bowed before leaving the king and queen to hope that they did not just sentence their loved ones to slavery or death.

* * *

"Eh, who are you?" asked the irate governor who had woken up to trumpets and merriment he had not authorized. He had seen the impromptu parade from his window but not the center of it all until now. Before him stood a man in full armor beside a radiant woman whose chin was held up high, the bearings of royalty about them, and they looked as if they were not there for play.

Lord Bern cleared his throat beside them and introduced the pair, "I present to his sufficiency, King Caspian the Tenth and Queen Susan of Narnia, Lord and Lady of Cair Paravel, _Emperor and Empress of the Lone Islands,"_ he emphasized to demand the respect of the governor

Gumpas promptly fell over and bowed so low in front of Caspian and Susan. "Oh your majesty, I did not know. It wasn't communicated to me properly, had I known in advance I would have welcomed you myself. Good that Lord Bern here was able to meet you!"

"Good thing you had no time to hide." Caspian said shortly, not bothering with any greeting

"Of course not sire! I would not attempt such a thing. It is my greatest honor to have you grace my home with your presence!" Gumpas gushed still bowed low not meeting the eyes of Caspian

"An home tainted by the slave trade you allow on this territory." Susan said calmly

"A necessary evil that has allowed prosperity to enter the islands!" Gumpas said

"An evil nonetheless." Caspian said. "And in the midst of all this 'prosperity' you have failed to pay tribute to the throne of Cair Paravel in the past hundred years or so as the law requires."

"Well that is something we can discuss in the council, draw up the financials and all that." Gumpas said finally turning away from them and fidgeting at the mention of his debts, fearing for his riches

"We don't need a council to know that you are_ personally _liable for all of it, the law is pretty clear." Caspian pushed

"Well, yes but surely you will not uphold that. I cannot possibly handle that. I do not have the means to tally and account for all the…well you know." Gumpas stammered

"Then maybe someone more able should take your place." Caspian said, "Gumpas, governor of the Lone Islands, I hereby relieve you of your position and all the responsibilities therein."

The king turned to Lord Bern, "Rise, henceforth you shall be known as Bern, Duke of the Lone Islands. It is with you I entrust this land, that it shall no longer be a place for barter of humans for wealth and service. I hold you responsible for all the tributes from this point forward."

"But sire," Gumpas stammered, "what about the debts? Won't he still have to pay for them?"

"I have forgiven you for them, the Duke shall not have to bear it for you. Now go, before I change my mind." Caspian said authoritatively.

Susan stood aside and watched Caspian act as the king she had always believed he could be. He was firm and decisive but not without compassion. He learned to choose his battles and fight them well, listening to counsel for he understood his own limitations. It was then that Susan realized that their time as the four rulers of Narnia was truly over; at best she can only be a supportive wife and queen to the ruler of the kingdom.

When the governor left them, Caspian turned to the surprised Duke, who had not expected the turn of events. "Sir, please take us to the slave market. It is time we took back our own."

* * *

"Two hundred for this young one! Strong, limber and able! Come on! Any takers?" Pug said over the eager crowd clamoring for a piece of the action.

The slave market was in chaos, several traders shouting and selling their inventory, each victim standing unsure on several platforms about the warehouse. None of them even saw the entrance of the King and Queen, much less the newly appointed Duke.

"SILENCE!" Duke Bern roared over the noise. "Honor the King and Queen of Narnia! Bow! All of you!" he commanded

Half of them dropped to their knees, while the older ones who knew him as the old lord merely raised their eyebrows and turned to resume their business. But their attention was held by the slowly growing number of armed men that looked at them menacingly if they so breathed on the people they were selling as slaves.

"As king of Narnia, rightful ruler over the Lone Islands, I abolish this slave market. Duke Bern, my representative in this territory, will punish anyone who tries to attempt a similar activity. You answer to him if you disobey. Every slave in this market can go free. You!" Caspian said pointing at Pug.

"You have committed a crime against your country for handling the royal persons in such a manner." Caspian declared

Pug cowered and whimpered like a child, fearing for his life. "Take them all back, I still have them! I only meant to make a living!"

"Caspian! Susan! Over here!" Lucy cried from behind the platform.

Susan rushed over to untie her family. Several soldiers went to her aid and soon they were all free, including Eustace who was gagged for his whining had worn out the patience of Pug and his men.

"I will report you all to the police! This is an outrage! You are all going to prison! Any court of law will convict you! I will report you to all the officials of the government!" Eustace yelled at all of them

"Yeah, you should have left that on mate." Edmund said to the soldier pointing to the gag in his hand

"Please your majesty, do not kill me." Pug begged Caspian, already clutching at the king's feet

"Your life will not restore the indignity you have imposed on the innocent. There is no point in taking it. I leave to Duke Bern to require whatever service is needed of you to repair the damage you have inflicted on this society." Caspian said turning to the Duke, who nodded in return

The duke and his men led away the people until only the passengers of the Dawn Treader were left. Lucy ran to Caspian's arms and hugged him tight.

"See, Aslan was right. You were ready to be king," Lucy said smiling up at him

"Ah, only because you bring it out in me. But let's try not putting you in danger so I can try out my wares as king, how about that?" Caspian said tousling Lucy's hair affectionately

Susan watched Caspian's expression change from the protective brother to one so similar to a child who has been given a gift so precious. In many ways, he was still like a child for he ruled with his heart and retained the optimism only one so young could maintain. As Lucy tugged on his arm to lead him out, with Edmund passing them by to pat Caspian on the back, her heart swelled as she saw her family welcome a new member into their fold. The only thing that tugged at her was that Peter couldn't be here with them.

In the middle of it, Eustace was still stomping around and was demanding for due process and justice. Edmund grabbed hold of his cousin's shirt and pulled him along as they exited the empty slave market, wondering why they didn't allow just one more sale to be rid of his horrid cousin.

* * *

It was weeks before they left Narrowhaven, much to the consternation of Eustace who had more than a slight tendency to be seasick. The last to board the ship were Caspian and Susan who had last words to say to the first of the seven lords they were set to find.

"Farewell, Duke Bern. I leave you to govern over this place in my absence. I trust you will deal with the consequences of the loss of the slave market to the best of your abilities." Caspian said

"I will try my king." Duke Bern responded, "My king, I would just like to say, your father would have been proud to see you untarnished by the influence of your uncle. You are the rightful king, not because of lineage, but because of the character and compassion you have given as example to us."

Caspian only nodded, choking up at the mention of the father he barely knew. Susan squeezed his hand before letting it go to embrace the Duke who had become a friend to them in the past few weeks.

"Thank you, my dear queen, for being the family he never had. I understand now how a queen of old has come back to us. For no less that someone like you can change the path of a boy who grew up surrounded by greed and deceit. No one but you my queen can help him become the king his father always wanted him to be. I am honored to have met you." Duke Bern said quietly so only Susan could hear

Susan smiled at the old man, unexpected tears rising to her eyes. She took her place next to Caspian as they boarded the ship to return once more to the journey that led only to one destination they were still unaware of—the beginning of the end of the world.

* * *

They spent days enjoying each other's company on the Dawn Treader as the ship traversed calm waters. It was as if the ordeal at the Lone Islands was merely an adventure gone wrong and not really as big a threat as it seemed back then. They acted like everything was normal, even the fact that she looked remarkably different.

As what became tradition, Susan and Caspian often watched the sun set on the horizon as they talked about anything and everything—at least until the storm robbed them of their sun.

"You think the children will still want me to teach them?" Susan asked as they stared off into the distance, waiting once more for their special time during the day

"I think they'll wonder where Helen went at first but they'll warm up to you soon enough. How can they not?" Caspian said reassuringly

"Children get attached, they might feel like they were abandoned. I wasn't able to say goodbye." Susan said

"They will be hurt but they will forgive. Of everyone here, they have the most capacity for mercy. You've lived long enough with Lucy, you should know." Caspian said

"She's growing up so fast. Edmund too. They don't need me anymore," she said wistfully veering off into a topic they had been skirting around.

Susan was afraid to bring up her family with Caspian for fear that he would again try to be noble and give her choices she did not want. On the other hand, he did not ask about it thinking she would change her mind and ask to leave, which he knew he could not refuse.

"They never did need you to survive, like I never did. But they want you around because they love you. They may not show it as much now but I can tell that even Edmund longs to have you be the big sister you always have been." Caspian said

"How come you always know what to say?" Susan asked lightly

"I practice every morning in front of the mirror. I test them all out then I just tell you the ones that sound good." Caspian said seriously

Susan's laughter died on her lips as soon as the first sound was heard. Her eyes were trained on the horizon that showed not the setting sun but a dark mass of clouds heading their way. Caspian's eyes followed hers and widened in horror at the speed at which the storm was coming. There was not time to turn back and find shelter, at this rate they would have to weather it.

He signaled to Drinian what was in the distance, and then sounded the alarm for everyone to secure what they could and to ready themselves to row against strong currents. It took less than a minute for disaster to strike. All around them the waves were crashing up and about both sides of the ship as the rain pelted from above them. The sea was churning and tossing them violently that they could not keep on course.

Caspian was giving orders, yelling at Lucy, who had ventured above the deck, to go down where it was safe. Susan ran forward to help her sister down for she was slipping dangerously near the edge of the ship. But it was Susan who was caught unaware of a huge wave that jolted the Dawn Treader, tossing queen soundlessly overboard to be swallowed by the raging waters. Caspian and Lucy watched Susan's body fly through the air weightlessly like a rag doll being tossed around then land into the black sea, disappearing quickly beneath it.

Lucy, upon seeing what had happened, ran to the edge and tried to reach out and almost fell over herself. Caspian ran to her and pulled her away to safety, handing her to a shocked Edmund who held tight to a hysterical Lucy.

Caspian could only replay in his mind what he saw and thought of the endless ways he could have stopped it. He didn't know how he held steady as the ship rocked back and forth or when the storm ended. He did not want to look if her lifeless body floated after. He only wanted to see until that moment she fell for he didn't even want to think her dead. He could only live if he believed she was still alive.

And then he began screaming. He howled until his lungs almost gave up, angry at himself for not protecting her. He screamed in protest at the nightmare he was being forced to wake up to. He shouted the name he dared not even whisper before—

_"SUSAN!"_

He only wished she could hear him now.


	10. Chapter 9: Only In Dreams

**_Chapter 9: Only in dreams_**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

Susan was drifting in and out of consciousness. She felt like she was floating but she did not understand why. As she struggled to open her eyes, she realized she remembered nothing of how she got where she was. Faintly, she recalled how she flew in the air before everything went cold and dark. She remembered his voice shouting her name, but she was to far gone to answer back. She tried but the water seemed to force its way into her lungs every time she opened her mouth. It burned in her chest but she fought for as long as she could until she gave in to nothingness.

She gave up struggling with her heavy eyelids and left her eyes closed, reveling in the fact that at least there was no pain. It was only after a while that she figured out she was being carried by something so large it should have scared her. Oddly, the creature made her feel only an infinite sense of comfort as it towed her on its back.

"_Aslan," _she thought. As if on cue, the lion let out a low purr that brought peace to her entire body and she stilled completely.

"Am I dead? Are you taking me to your country?" she mumbled almost unintelligibly

"Rest easy, dear heart, you have life left in you. I am not taking your that far but we have much left to go." Aslan whispered and instantly she fell asleep again.

* * *

Susan awoke to find that she lay on solid ground, every bit of her dry and polished as if she weren't thrown off a ship in the middle of a storm. This memory made her sit up straight in alarm.

"Caspian!" Susan exclaimed to no one as a wave of dread washed over her, "He must think I'm dead."

"The king has more faith than that dear one. Wait for him here. He will come for you," Aslan said as he stood before her.

Susan looked at the lion in surprise, and then ran to him to bury her head in his mane.

"Thank you for saving me." Susan said solemnly

"It is the least I could do for one who has trusted me so much, you who went on blind faith on the choice I left you. It is but right that I not let that sacrifice to waste." Aslan said

"Aslan, please help me understand. Why, if we have proven our love to be above any measure, did this happen? Why have we been separated again?" Susan asked

The lion walked away from her, forcing her to look beyond where he stood before. She was standing where the sea met the edge of the island and Aslan was framed by what seemed to be magnificent ruins. A set of chairs and a table made of the best marble, enclosed within towering pillars beneath a twinkling sky even in daylight. A banquet laid richly on the table such as Susan had never seen before.

"The world has its ways of teaching and making its true intentions known before things can fall into place. There are still lessons to be learned or maybe just one. I think fate is playing its last card and is letting you get a glimpse of just how much you have altered the course of your lives and why it is important that you remember this so you can value properly what you have been give. Be strong Susan, it won't be too long now." Aslan said

A bright light erupted behind the lion, enveloping him entirely, blinding Susan until she realized Aslan was gone from her sight. A tall woman whose long hair billowed gently behind her took the place of the great lion. Susan's breath caught in her throat as she stared into a face she knew as well as her own.

* * *

The rest of their adventures were all a blur in Caspian's mind. It was like reading a book, turning each page as they left each island and found signs of one lord or another. Even Eustace's marked improvement after turning into a dragon and backed barely made a dent in his mind. He was only consumed with getting as far east as he could so he could step into Aslan's country and beg the lion to find Susan. He only hoped that she would not be in Aslan's country, that she would not be dead and only someplace he was yet to discover.

He went on this way, numb and detached, until they came upon such blackness that consumed an island far beyond their imagination. Even though warning signals echoed in his mind, Caspian allowed them to continue on through but ordered the captain to light all lanterns he could. He could leave no place unturned in search of Susan. The Dawn Treader crept silently through the inky waters as the coldness seeped through their bones.

Caspian could hear Lucy shivering beside him. Edmund watched his breath turn to white puffs, as the air around them grew colder.

"Take me with you! Please! Even if you are but another dream, save me from this place." A voice called out from somewhere

"Another dream?" Drinian said

"Pull him up," Caspian ordered

The man clambered up quickly on the rope they had let down for him. His eyes were wild and his hair stuck out in all directions.

"Good man, what did you mean when you said if we were but another dream? Where are we?" Caspian asked

"You are in the Island of Dreams," the man whispered, placing a finger on his mouth as if to tell them to keep silent about what he had just told them

"Why I've heard of this place! I've always wondered if I would find my dead wife here and we'd be reunited again, " one of the sailors said excitedly

"No! Not daydreams," their visitor admonished, "Real dreams—including your worst nightmares."

Caspian opened his mouth to ask more but the question was held frozen in place as he watched the scene change before his very eyes. Gone was the suffocating darkness, it was replaced by all shades of grey imaginable colored only by the blue of Susan's eyes staring past him.

* * *

_He stood across the street from her and watched her look past him with an annoyed look on her face. Caspian turned around to see what was offending her so. He found Lucy, Edmund and Eustace all whispering conspiratorially, glancing at Susan every so often._

_Susan threw up her hands in surrender and turned around to open the lock of the iron gate of what seemed to be her home. It was only then that Caspian decided to look around. From the buildings and the varied unfamiliar objects, he deduced that he was somehow in their world. It wasn't Narnia, he was sure of that at least. He moved to call Susan but she had already disappeared into the house along with her family._

_He ran after them to knock on the door only to find he was magically transported inside._

_"Susan!" he called after the lady stomping up the stairs to his left, finding no sound could escape him. It was like he was a ghost that came to haunt them, tied to Susan that everywhere she would move he would go as well._

_Caspian found himself behind her as she banged on the wooden door just past the staircase on the second floor. An irate Peter came out and frowned at Susan._

_"You have to talk to Lucy, Peter! She's talking nonsense even in school and I won't have any of it. My friends already think our family odd and her pretending that our childhood game is real does not help the situation! They tease her and taunt her enough as it is!" Susan complained_

_Peter closed his eyes and took a deep breath before answering his sister, "I can only tell her to keep this to herself so as not to draw any unnecessary attention but I cannot ask her to forget Narnia. It wasn't a game Susan. "_

_She rolled her eyes at him and crossed her arms on her chest. "Peter, there is not such thing as a magical land through a wardrobe. Do you even hear yourself and realize just how ridiculous that sounds? It was a game we played to pass the time when we were trapped in the professor's house. Nothing more than child's play."_

_"Why can't you remember Susan?" Peter asked gently_

_"Because there is nothing to remember!" she screamed in frustration. "This is the only world we know and will ever know. There is no such thing as magic Peter."_

_Peter and Susan stared at each other in anger over the unyielding behavior of each other, until they heard Lucy's sniffles from a few steps from the top of the stairs._

_"Susan, you can't even remember Aslan?" she whimpered_

_"Lions don't talk Lucy. We only pretended that the stuffed animal you had could, but that wasn't real. Please Lu, you are old enough to distinguish fantasy from reality." Susan reminded her_

_"You can't even remember Caspian?" Lucy said_

_Caspian stared hard at Susan as if willing her to see him, to convince her that she was merely in denial and that all they were pushing at her was true. But her eyes remained blank and devoid of recognition._

_"There is no Caspian. Maybe he was your imaginary friend when you were younger but certainly not mine. Now, if you'll excuse me I'd like to rest alone in my room. I've had enough of this for one day." Susan said turning on her heels, slamming the door in their faces_

_Caspian hoped that when he entered her room, he would find her admit to herself that it was all a show to hide the hurt of not being able to be in Narnia. However, his own hope turned on him and broke his heart instead. For Susan, was simply going about fixing her things and mumbled about what dress to wear the following day as if the conversation earlier did not even affect her._

_She had truly erased from her mind Narnia and everything with it—including the man she had once claimed to love._

_His tears blurred his vision until suddenly everything turned black again. He heard a roaring sound grow louder and louder, followed the sound of screeching metal as it twisted and coiled around a chorus of screams. He strained to look around, thinking that somewhere in this chaos was Susan. Flashes of Peter, Edmund and Lucy came to him, all of them lying in pools of their own blood. He failed to feel relief at not find his love but only deep sorrow at not being able to save the people he had come to treat as family._

_In an instant, he was in the middle of a field of bright green grass under the sunny sky. He watched his heart relax at the sight of the three siblings alive and well, running around after each other playing a game only they could understand._

_"But where is Susan?" Caspian thought to himself._

_An unseen force made him turn around and he saw once more the bleak grey that characterized the world where the kings and queens were from. Susan was standing before three slabs of stone on the ground, each bearing the name of a sibling. She shed no tears as she placed flowers on each grave._

_He watched as she grew smaller and smaller even as he stood still. He wanted to run after her and pull her to him so he could tell her it would be alright but he couldn't move as the green grass slowly spread in front of him, eating away the space between them._

_When she was totally gone from his sight, he dropped to his knees and stare out in shock._

_"I am sorry dear Caspian that she no longer believes. I am sorry I cannot bring her here to my country," Aslan said showing up beside him_

_"Nothing can be done?" Caspian said in a hollow voice_

_"Nothing," Aslan said with such finality that rocked the young king to the core. But as he was in Aslan's country, he found he could not feel despair or even express anything remotely close to it. He was trapped in an eternity without her and he could not grieve for it. So for the first of many wishes, he asked for tears he knew would never come._

* * *

Caspian was on his knees, clutching at his chest, breathing heavily as he tried to shake himself out of the nightmare. The darkness still closed in on them but it could not hide how pale he had become from the visions. They felt so real to him that he could almost hear Aslan's voice telling him she was lost forever, without even hope of an afterlife with her.

Everyone else seemed to have woken up before him. They all gathered around him with faces filled with concern at his state. Even the wild man was looking at him as if he were the crazy one. He did not know what to say so he chose not to but gave them a nod to signal he was alright.

When he got his bearings back, he ordered his men to keep rowing forward until they saw a ray of light breaking through the sky. They were fueled with hope as they watched the light grow larger and larger until they were filled with it.

The sun shone down on the Dawn Treader as they were once again in the open sea, the island of darkness leagues behind them. It was only at this point that the man they picked up regained a little of his sanity.

"I am Lord Rhoop of Telmarine descent. I thank you for taking me away from that wretched place. I have lived through more nightmares that pleasant dreams than I care about and now I only wish to know of reality," he said to Caspian

"I am King Caspian the Tenth of Narnia, son of the master you once served. I am glad to have done you good," the king said bowing to the man.

"I surely hope this isn't a dream, for I have always wished to see the face of my old friend's son alive and well, free from the tyranny of Miraz." Lord Rhoop said

"It is not a dream," he said simply walking away towards the poop deck to be alone.

Aside from that necessary introduction and show of gratitude, the passengers of his ship had usually left him alone without him needing to ask for space. They willingly granted this unbidden wish for they all witnessed the silent screams and sobs overtake him that last moments in the island of dreams. They all watched him reach out for the queen they had yet to find. They all listened to the words that became a nightmare for them as well—an eternity a queen of Narnia could not share for she no longer believed.

Edmund was the only one brave enough to breach the space Caspian had sealed himself in. He stood shoulder to shoulder with the king and began to speak.

"When we were in that island, I saw myself giving a drop of blood to the White Witch that day in the How. I watched her shatter the block of ice herself and rise once more to full power. She conquered Miraz and all of Narnia, sending it back to an endless winter. She killed everyone except me Caspian. She left me alone to be her companion for all eternity and used magic to ensure that I never crossed over to Aslan's country." Edmund said relating his experience without prompting

"You want me to share mine?" Caspian said sharply

"No. You don't have to. I heard enough before and I see it still in your eyes. I only want you to listen to me for a minute." Edmund replied. When he was met only by a stony silence, Edmund continued.

"It was a nightmare and not a vision of the future. You have to get past it. You have to find her and you can't do it the way you are now. It was only a dream and nothing more." Edmund said

"It's not that easy. Edmund, we're getting close to Aslan's country. I can feel it. We haven't found her and if we don't see her between now and when we get to the lion, that would mean she is dead. If I don't find her there with Aslan, it would mean the nightmare is real. I can't deal with that." Caspian said

"You don't have to. Like you said, there's still time. Do not panic until you absolutely have to Caspian." Edmund said patting him on the back

"You truly are older than how you look," Caspian said, one corner of his mouth turning up

"1300 years older," Edmund said, using his sister's line

Both men looked at the horizon, hoping that the tiny spec in the distance was land. They both prayed that this time she would be there and all fears would be laid to rest because that nightmare would never see the light of day.

* * *

"I have been expecting you," the lady told Susan.

She looked like Helen, save for her dove grey eyes. The queen thought she was imagining it and blinked rapidly until she could not see the woman disappear from her eyes.

"Welcome Queen Susan to the Island of the Star at the beginning of the end of the world, where Aslan's table awaits those who have come from the far countries of this world. I am Soleana, daughter of Ramandu the star."

"How do you know my name?" Susan asked hoarsely

"I asked of it when Aslan borrowed my image for you." Soleana replied solemnly

"What?" Susan asked as the blood drained from her face.

"For a time, you took on my physical body as you attempted to secure a future for the love you found in Narnia Eventually, when the moment came that the king came around to it, you became owner of the destiny that was attached to the face. It is no coincidence that your journey has ended up here where it was to have begun for Caspian and me. Had you not succeeded with proving your love, fate would have unfolded in such a way that I would marry him and bear him a son," the star's daughter said

"Now that I have succeeded?" Susan said

"Then Queen Susan will be returned to the people of Narnia and rule beside their King Caspian. Helen will be but a dream left on this island." Soleana replied with a small smile. "It is my honor to have met you. There is no one else in the years of this world that has experienced the power of the deepest magic. You have changed the course of the world with your love. It is truly amazing to see what a woman can do for the man she loves."

"Are you not angry with me for taking away your future from you?" Susan asked

"I cannot be bitter for something I never even held. It was only a possibility for me, nothing more. I will not stop living because of this as now I have a new future on the horizon. Do not worry my queen. I will not go after what could have been. I am only here to show you what you have overcome and prove the power you are capable of, so you will never take for granted what you have been blessed with."

Susan could only nod to Soleana as the other girl took her hand and led her to the shore.

"Come, it is time for one last thing to show you to erase any doubt in your mind that your love is yours to keep. Your king is approaching. I must welcome him." Soleana said looking off into the distance

As they watched the sun set on the horizon, Susan saw the Dawn Treader darken the empty sea before them, coming closer with every breath she took. She watched as Soleana take a step to be in front of her, blocking her completely from sight as the king and his company left the ship and walked towards them.

Everyone gasped at the woman they saw standing in front of them. They took in her hair, her figure and her familiar smile. Edmund and Lucy stared, wondering if somehow Susan had been turned back.

Caspian kept walking and stopped only a foot in front of Soleana. He stared into her eyes and confirmed to himself that they were not the same—they were grey, not blue.

"You are neither Helen nor Susan." Caspian said simply

"You are right but I could have been your wife."


	11. Chapter 10: Staring at the Edge

**A/N: Finally, the last chapter (not counting the epilogue at least...i'll post that soon enough :)). I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Thanks again for all the reviews :)**

**Chapter 10: Staring at the Edge  
**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

Caspian's eyes widened as the rage spread through him upon hearing the familiar face speak such callous words. He was spent from having lived through his nightmare even just for a while in the last island and now it felt to him that they left one evil to fall into another.

A smile danced on her lips as she spoke again. "I am no illusion, King of Narnia. I do not bear a falsehood. I truly am neither woman that haunts your mind right now. In your life, I only represent what could have been, even if in your eyes I am the image of what you lost."

Even her voice sounded like Helen's. He wanted to shut out what she was saying and pretend that thus was Aslan's way of giving back Susan to him. He tried to imagine loving the creature in front of him as he once did the owner of that body. As he looked at the face he had known for three years, he searched through the unfamiliar eyes to see if he could find anything that linked her to Susan.

Nothing. This girl was a stranger though he knew every curve of her face and every note that voice can produce in the air.

"No one is shown what could have been, Aslan himself said that." Caspian argued

Soleana merely smiled and did not answer. The queen behind her found she could not move as if she was held by some enchantment that rooted her to the spot, silent and practically invisible. She wanted to run to Caspian and explain to him everything. Susan wanted so much to be with him and wipe away the hurt that dripped from every word he spoke. But in her heart, she understood that Caspian had one more mile to go.

"A possibility then." Soleana amended

"That would be saying it can still happen." Caspian said

"You have always been telling her she has a choice whether to stay or to leave with her siblings. Even if you don't say it I can see that you insist on giving her that chance to leave you. But you also have a decision to make. After everything, dear king, what do _you_ choose? Can you really watch her walk away for a last time and spend your life wondering if she'll ever make it back to Aslan's country?"

Caspian's memories rushed back to him, each scene playing out from the moment he first met Susan flowing through to their second meeting with her as Helen. He remembered how he fell in love at first sight with Queen Susan the Gentle in that battle against Miraz. He admired her beauty and her strength in battle. He felt honor and pride to count himself among the many at her side.

Then he remembered the second time he fell for her—a slower kind of burning that caught him by surprise. She was, first and foremost, his friend. As Helen, she earned his trust the hard way but it was something she never lost after. She was the one who pushed him to be a king and a man before that. She held his dreams in her heart before he even realized it. She was the person he wanted to protect most in this world because he knew his life would lack the brilliance it did when she was beside him. In the end, she was the one who saved his life and not just from the giant. Helen saved him from making the fatal mistake of loving only the legend that Susan was but allowed him to accept in his life the woman she wholly is. Helen was the woman behind the king and Susan was the queen beside him, both of them filled his heart with nothing but the brightest love imaginable.

"Can you really choose to let her leave and live out the original fate intended for you with myself as your queen?" Soleana asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Caspian closed his eyes and relived the dream that plagued him when he believed Susan was still in another world. He was returning to Cair Paravel again, walking the length of the Great Hall towards the one person he wanted to run to. Her face was hidden from sight by the glare of the sunlight behind her but he knew this was his queen. Before he got to the middle of the room, childish giggles filled his ears as his son and daughter wrapped their arms around his legs, asking him to play with them. He laughed and carried each toddler in his arms and continued his journey towards the throne.

When he could finally see her, she held out her hands to him. He drank in the sight of his queen as he gently set down the two blond children in his arms. They quickly ran to their mother and clamored for her attention. Her long hair covered her face as she bent down to kiss the children. Her scent filled the air with a familiar aroma that made him feel home more than ever. She lifted her face and instantly his eyes sought for hers. He could only see blue. Even his imagination could not fathom pretending grey eyes can ever hold his love.

"I cannot," he replied his voice hoarse, "my choice will be to love her and be with her. I will find her and when I do, I'm never letting go."

Soleana smiled triumphantly and stepped aside to reveal Queen Susan in all her glory. Just like in his dreams she held out her hands to him and this time he ran to her. Caspian held Susan to him as tight as he possibly could without crushing her.

"You're alive," Caspian said his face full of joy and wonder at seeing her.

Susan nodded though her tears that she hastily wiped away. "This is it Caspian, forever and always."

Caspian nodded as he finally noticed everyone had finally disembarked from the Dawn Treader and were staring at them, jaws hanging agape unceremoniously. He laughed along with Susan at the expression on their faces, ranging from shock to relief and everything in between.

"I think we should give them something to talk about. It's been a long time coming and I think high time I asked you this," Caspian said dropping on one knee, "Will you be my queen, wife and friend, for all the days I walk this world and every minute after?"

"Yes," Susan said simply, a look of peace and contentment coming over her.

Caspian removed the necklace hidden beneath the collar of his shirt. He unlocked the clasp and let the pendant slide off the chain. Susan didn't recognize it at first but she gasped when she realized it was a ring.

He placed it on her finger, worried that it wouldn't fit since he had it sized from memory alone—just in case she ever came back he said to himself the day he thought she left. It slid down in one motion and Susan watched the sunlight bounce off the diamond in the center, reflecting her own dreams with it.

No one knew who started clapping or who was the first to congratulate Caspian and Susan. Lucy ran to her sister and squealed in her excitement.

Soleana covered her mouth as she giggled over the sight in front of her. People from the mainland were quite amusing. She caught the eye of the only one who wore a different expression, a boy with a mop of brown hair and equally dark eyes. He was rolling his eyes at the pair and muttered under his breath, "Finally"

Edmund walked past her and went to stand beside Caspian, "About time don't you think? A shame Peter isn't here to threaten you bodily harm if you ever hurt Susan."

"You're well within your right as a brother to do that." Caspian said amused

"Nah, I'll do that when it's Lucy's turn. Besides, I couldn't have picked a better man for Susan. No one else can claim they sailed to the edges of the world to find true love. You earned this."

Eustace cleared his throat from beside them, quite unsure how to offer his own congratulations to Susan, who last saw him as a whiny boy.

"Congratulations cousin. I wish you all the happiness possible." Eustace said formally

Susan gave him a big smile and hugged him to his surprise. "I trust you have met Aslan."

"How did you know?" Eustace asked, knowing that Susan wasn't there during his own adventure

"You are calm and it shows, you haven't whined once since you landed. It suits you well dear cousin." Susan said ruffling his hair

Soleana stepped forward and took both Susan's and Caspian's hands in her own. "It is my turn to offer my congratulations. I have listened to many stories of love the stars have seen but none of them compare to yours. Even the heavens would bend backwards for your destinies to cross and be one. You are the hope I have in the love possible in this life. Thank you."

She released their hands after a final smile and turned around to walk back to the pillars in the distance. They all followed her and walked towards Aslan's table and found three men asleep there—the last of the missing lords.

Reepicheep walked forward and tried to shake the men but they would not budge. He felt for a pulse and found a steady rhythm in each of the men.

"Are they dead?" Lucy asked as she took a step closer.

"No, they are under an enchanted sleep. They took hold of the Knife of Stone that holds a curse so that no one can steal it from this island." Soleana explained

"I've seen that before…" Lucy said trailing off

"The knife the White Witch used to kill Aslan on the stone table." Susan said, a twinge of hurt passing through her as she remembered the night she watched the events unfold helplessly

Edmund turned pale at the mention of the name and guilt washed over him. Soleana, as if sensing his discomfort, placed a gentle hand over his shoulder and gestured to a chair to his side.

"Come let us eat. You have traveled far and it is time to rest and partake of this banquet," she said inviting them to sit down

No one objected and quickly sat down to enjoy the marvelous feast before them. Never had they tasted food so fresh and sumptuous that they had second and third helpings. Even after that the table still seemed to be groaning under the weight of so much food.

Soleana's musical laughter filled the air as Eustace tried to finish off the bowl of pudding in front of him to no avail. "It is replenished magically, I do not think speeding up your eating will do anything to empty that bowl. Just enjoy the food."

Caspian laughed and admired the beauty around him, looking from face to face until he stared at the one that mattered most to him. He watched her talk to Lucy, how she laughed at something witty Edmund had said and how her smile reached her eyes when she looked back at him. He was at peace except for the last piece of the journey that he had yet to accomplish.

"My lady, how do we wake the three lords?" Caspian asked Soleana near the end of the meal.

"That, my king I can explain," said a voice from beyond the pillars. A door slowly opened in the distance, a bright light filtering through it framing a tall silhouette.

An old man stepped forward, his silver hair and beard shining in the moonlight. He smiled kindly at them all before taking a seat beside Soleana.

"I am Ramandu, a retired star. I believe you know my daughter," he said, "As you must have been told at some point, you are at the last island before you reach the furthest east where the waters turn sweet."

"Aslan's country! We are close! I was right!" Reepicheep said jumping up

"Yes," Ramandu confirmed," That is correct. The only way to break the spell is for one of your company to depart for Aslan's country and stay there in exchange for their freedom."

A hush fell over the table as they absorbed the task that laid ahead one of them. Susan could see the internal conflict rising within Caspian as he toyed with the idea of being the one to make the sacrifice. He had made the oath to find the seven lords and it was only fair that he be the one to take the fall. But as he looked at his bride to be, he could not find the courage to be anything but selfish. He wanted this future and not the obligation he felt he took upon himself the day he set sail on the Dawn Treader. Susan took his hand and shook her head slowly. Caspian could only look away.

"I will go." Reepicheep said solemnly, stopping Caspian from protesting, "Sire, it has been my dream to sail east and making this journey would even save them. There is no question in my mind that it should be me and not you. Your majesty, permit me the honor of going to Aslan's country."

Caspian looked at all the solemn faces around him and found that he was not being judged for not rejecting the chief's offer. With a deep breath, he sighed and nodded to Reepicheep.

"We depart when the sun rises. Thank you friend, for the service you do Narnia and the family I will have. We will not forget." Caspian said in gratitude

Reepicheep bowed solemnly and the star watched as things fell into place as he had seen. The way for Caspian and Susan was being paved by the ones who loved them as there was one thing left to happen—a lifetime of happiness for all the tears and rain that washed over them in the last few years. It's time for the happily ever after to start.

* * *

They set sail an hour before the sun rose and now Susan watched the horizon slowly come ablaze with light along with Edmund and Lucy. None of them spoke and simply enjoyed each other's presence, each feeling the void left in the absence of the fourth member.

"You think we'll get to be there at your wedding?" Lucy asked after a while

"I hope so. I'll need you two to give me away." Susan said hopefully

"As long as you don't need me to wear ruffles, I'll even dance with you at the reception." Edmund said

"Cair Paravel would look so beautiful in all the wedding decorations, " Lucy said wistful at the thought

Caspian listened to the conversation, not daring yet to bring the news he had just received from Aslan in his room. He could not intrude on this private moment just to shatter their musings with terrible news.

He wanted them to have a little more time together untainted by the inevitable but Susan turned around and motioned for him to join them. He registered how her face turned from one of joy to confusion and then fear as she recognized the sorrow on his face.

Lucy and Edmund shared a look and wondered at the silent conversation the two seemed to be having.

"Aslan spoke to me in my room. You are to join Reepicheep on the journey to his country." Caspian said, almost apologetically that he had to be the one to bring the news to them

"How much time do you think we have?" Edmund said deciding to be practical instead of emotional

"Not enough." Susan said

Caspian placed his arm around her shoulder and kissed the top of her head to comfort her. It was going to be a painful round of goodbyes he could not shield her from. He would grieve with her and watch time heal the wounds. It was not much, but it was the best he could do—to simply be with her.

* * *

They sailed on until the wind died and the waters stilled. They could not see anything in the horizon but endless white and nothing beyond. They understood that finally it was time to part.

Drinian readied the boat for the four passengers it would take past the very end of the world. Lucy, Edmund, Eustace and Reepicheep stood in a line as their companions took turns to embrace them and wish them a good journey. It was tearful on both sides as they stowed memories of faces and places they had experienced together.

Susan hung back, wanting to prolong the moment and be the last to say goodbye. She shook the chief mouse's hand and bowed low to him.

"Thank you Reepicheep for removing any burden on Caspian's mind. I will remember this service forever." Susan said

"My queen, it is my honor. Love him well and remember to keep him from destroying himself in trying to be so noble even when it is not called for." Reepicheep answered

Susan moved on to Eustace who was still acting uncharacteristically shy around her. "I wish you well Eustace. I am proud of the change in you. I hope someday when you return to Narnia as I'm sure you will, we'll see each other again."

"Looking forward to it." Eustace said giving Susan a hug and a small smile.

Susan took a deep breath and approached her brother and sister but before she even got close, a loud roar reverberated all around them.

Looking out they all saw Aslan walking on the waters that had now stilled beneath the great lion. He seemed to be walking on glass towards them, magically finding a way to climb the ship and stand before them.

In all his glory he let out another roar as the passengers of the Dawn Treader dropped to their knees before the true king of Narnia.

"Rise kings and queens of Narnia. There is one gift I would like to give you before you say goodbye, a chance to witness the marriage of King Caspian and Queen Susan if you so wish."

The tears were falling fast from Susan and Lucy's eyes as the older queen nodded and stepped forward with Caspian.

"No other man and woman have I seen on this world to have overcome as many obstacles as the king and queen before me. They have endured a love that was almost lost to them for they were each created for worlds of their own. They have shown us how to hold on even when everything is going against you and have faith that life will do right by them someday. They made an example of their lives on how to keep hoping for a better day and a future worth working for. They lived through realities of being human and how small trials could teach you of another's character and strength. They showed us how to fight, for a country, for a right and for a life. Most of all, they showed us how to love in completely with all heart and spirit thrown into it that it could never go wrong." Aslan said nodding to Caspian to begin his vows.

"I lived most of my life in craving for a sense of family and love. In running away from my home that fateful night, I thought I was leaving behind the faintest idea I had of family. I did not expect that I was actually running towards it and calling it out of another world. You asked me once when I began to recognize you but not when I fell in love with you all over again. It was when you argued with me as no one had dared to do the minute I became king. You reminded me that beneath the trappings of royalty I had first to be a man, one that you deserved. I will spend my life trying to be the best for you and for the children we will have. I love you dear Susan." Caspian said

Susan swallowed before beginning her own speech, "If I had to do everything all over again I would. In spite of all the pain and heartache, I was blessed to see more than just the prince we met in the forest trying to lead the Narnians out of the darkness. In my eyes, I watched you struggle over the betrayal of your uncle and your capacity to forgive when you gave him his life. I saw you fight against for the truth even against your own people and suffer for it. I watched you fall weak to temptation and redeem yourself after. But most of the love I feel today is because of what I saw through Helen's eyes. I saw you grow up and be the king I expected you to be. I saw your devotion to the woman you loved and how hard you fought to keep it. I felt your love as you struggled to put my happiness before yours, even if the pain almost broke you. But most of all, it is in loving me in any form I come to you that I fell for you completely. Forever and always, I love you Caspian."

They joined hands and looked deeply into each other's eyes as Aslan blew a breath all around them. The great lion roared and sealed the marriage to the cheers and applause of all their witnesses.

"Long live the King and Queen of Narnia and all those who will come from this blessed union!"

Caspian kissed Susan on the lips with all the hope of a happy future within him. It was magical and in that moment they knew things would turn out even better than they imagined it to be.

* * *

When at last the merriment had died down, Susan embraced Edmund and Lucy a final time, finally able to say goodbye in peace.

"Tell Peter will you? Let him know I miss him and that I'm happy where I am. Tell him I love him." Susan said

"Of course. Caspian, take care of her will you?" Edmund said as he stepped inside the boat, which already had Reepicheep and Eustace in it. The king nodded silently and bowed to Edmund.

Lucy gave Susan a squeeze and boarded the boat, tears still lining her face. "Susan! Don't forget to tell your children we love them!"

Susan nodded, tears welling up in her eyes as well. Caspian held her to his side as they both waved to their family as they were lowered from the ship.

Aslan was waiting for them down below as he stood regally on the glassy surface of the sea. The great lion bowed to them and started off walking to the white horizon, the boat gliding gently next to him.

They watched until the boat was only a speck and eventually faded into the endless white. The wind began and slowly moved the Dawn Treader back from where it came from, back to Narnia.

"Do you think we'll see them again Caspian?" Susan asked her eyes still on the last point she saw her family

"Not soon, but yes. In the end, I know we'll meet again," he reassured her

As the night closed in over them, Caspian and Susan held each other and danced for the first time as husband and wife on the deck of the Dawn Treader. Over the stream of sweet nothings Caspian whispered to her ear, only one thing he said made her heart skip a beat—her own name.

"_Susan."_

It was then she knew without a doubt that her happily ever after had come at last.


	12. Epilogue: Eternity

**A/N: Here it is! Finished at last :) I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it. Thank you very, very, very much for all the reviews. I truly love hearing from you. :P Till the next story! **

**_Epilogue: Eternity_**

**Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don't belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.**

The high king went home late that day. He felt the change in the air. Lucy and Edmund had gone to Narnia and back without anyone on earth being the wiser. Though he had accepted that he was never going back and was coping quite well, that night he just didn't want to hear the stories yet. He could hide the hurt better in the morning.

Peter walked to his room slowly, passing by Lucy's room and listening through a small crack in the door for her even breathing. He paused at the door of the room beside it and wondered if he should open it. This was the one thing that could not wait till the next day, he had to know. With a deep breath, he opened the door to Susan's room and found it empty. He sighed with relief and closed the door behind him. The queen had succeeded.

He fell asleep quite easily, giving in to the dreams that would stay with him for the rest of his life. But before his eyes were shut he heard a familiar deep voice.

"_I give you a glimpse, son of Adam, of the sister whose love has triumphed over fate at last. Peter, though I could not bring you there, at least let me show you that Susan is truly happy. Rest easy, dear one."_

Peter watched the bright blue sky frame the Dawn Treader as the scene unfolded before him. Aslan stood before the small crowd and spoke to them of a love so epic that it seemed to be the beginnings of a legend. But it was as real as anything as the people who lived through it stood before them—face to face, hand in hand. Their vows were blessed and made enduring by Aslan's roar. In his mind, he gave away Susan the way he wanted to if he could be physically there. Peter entrusted his sister to the only man worthy of such a woman.

As dreams usually are, his vision shifted out of focus until he saw himself in the middle of the Great Hall in Cair Paravel, the sounds of childish giggles filled his ears. Two children crossed his path, a little girl and a boy not much older than the other.

"Rilian!" said someone who seemed to be the nanny in charge of chasing after the two.

The little boy with a mop of brown curls and chocolate eyes turned around and laughed before running towards the thrones at the head of the room. His sister was the one who paused, a look of playful mischievousness crossing her angelic face, her blue eyes bright from running around with her brother.

"Come on Helen! Faster! Nanny will catch us!" the young boy urged his sister.

Peter stood in awe of them. It was like seeing Susan as a child again and maybe this was what Caspian looked like when he was young. Without a doubt, these children were not lacking love and attention.

Their nanny placed a hand on a pillar to steady herself, panting in exhaustion. A hand touched her gently on the shoulder. Susan smiled at the nanny and waved her off.

"We can take it from here," she said as her husband was already crouched low; ready to surprise the unsuspecting children hiding behind the throne of their Uncle Peter.

Susan and Caspian exchanged looks as they carried out their simple plan.

"Children, where are you?" Susan said loudly pretending to look for them. This caused the two toddlers to giggle thinking they had succeeded in the little game they made up.

"Well, I guess I'll try the bedrooms," the queen said in a bored voice as she pretended to walk away. In the same moment, Caspian sprung on the children, grabbing one in each arm and spinning them around. A chorus of laughter erupted in the Great Hall, echoing in every corner of the room. Susan joined Caspian and took little Rilian from him.

"Mother, can you tell us the story again, the one about the magical horn and the return of the kings and queens of old?" Rilian pleaded, his sister nodded along even as her head rested on her father's shoulder.

"Only if you let nanny prepare you for bedtime, then your father and I will tell the story just the way you want it." Susan said touching the tip of his nose

More images and laughter filled Peter's mind just before he woke up to Lucy jumping on his bed excitedly, eager to tell him their adventures in Narnia. The moment his head left his pillow he forgot everything save for knowing with certainty that Susan was happily married. He listened to Lucy and Edmund's tales that morning, laughing when it was called for and looking grim when the story turned dark.

It wasn't long after, when he was listening again. Only this time Peter's ears were filled with the horrifying symphony of twisting metal and screams of terror. The train wasn't doing what it was supposed to. He waited for the pain that never came as he attempted to shield his family.

Peter opened his eyes to a brand new world noticing everything was sharply focused and bright. It was a world he had never seen before, complete with faces of the past that made him realize that this was not merely a visit but a return home. Aslan's country was filled with all the good things from Narnia and all of it he ignored as he searched for the faces in a dream long forgotten.

His eyesight followed Lucy as she sprinted towards a family not far away. Peter followed and saw a young man, an older version of an image returning in his mind from a dream long forgotten. Beside him was his sister, a magnificent young lady who smiled at him and curtseyed gracefully. Finally, the faces of the sister and brother he had not seen for so long. Caspian reached out and gave him a brotherly hug, followed by Susan who held on longer as she convinced herself it was real.

A horn sounded in the distance, calling one and all to a great assembly. People moved towards the hilltop where the great lion stood. Susan lagged behind a little as she savored the moment that finally her family was complete and would stay that way for an eternity to come. Lost in thought, she did not realize Caspian had stopped walking and faced her.

"Susan?" he asked

She smiled as he called her name and took his hand to walk with him. If her heart still needed to beat, it would still skip whenever he said it. For even with forever stretched out before them, her name on his lips still told her something more powerful than 'I love you'.

-fin


End file.
